Sunday, February 8, 2009

The Mother Flippin' LIST

Awwwww shit! It's time for another edition of Craig's List Classics, the amazingly fantastic feature where I mine The Best Website For Laffs to find you some true diamonds in the rough. Here we go:

Free Cross (Rural Urbana) 
This is a life size cross used in a religious play. It is 10'6"X6' It comes with the base and acc. It looks big but one man can handle it.

My Take: Instead of A religious play, I thought it just said "religious play," like some kind of kink stuff. I was all prepared to write a quip making fun of how "one man can handle it" and maybe even put in a video of "Rock Me Sexy Jesus." But I re-read it and now all those great jokes are RUINED. Actually, the Sexy Jesus one still works out, kind of.
frozen turkeys (chicago)
i have two frozen turkeys. Yes frozen turkeys. You want them? Come and get'em. One is from this thanksgiving and the other is from last year. Please come and get these off my hands! 

My Take: How did this person know that I said, "What? Frozen turkeys?!" 

free slightly crappy bathroom cabinet. (Eastlake)
White partical board cabinet that fits behind a toilet. Cute silver knobs but overall quite used. I think it's still fine but I have been encouraged to ditch it. I will put it out (under an awning) near the dumpster behind 2727 Franklin Ave E. location in the alley. 
[actual photo]
My Take: Did you go to business school? Because that is a PITCH. 

Chabby Chic tall candle holder with crystals (Bothell)One more item I can't take with me. This one is tall and has never been used to burn candles, strictly decorative. A couple of the dangly crystals are missing. It used to have a string of small round crystals hanging from the hooks underneath but my cat took them, I will look for them, can't guarantee I will find them.
[actual photo]
My Take: There's so much here, but what caught me was "One more item I can't take with me." You mean like to heaven? And whatever "Chabby" Chic is, I'm sure I don't want to catch it. Especially before my vacation!


Maybe I am the "missed connection???" - w4m (Here) 
So we went on the "second date" last weekend, and while it wasn't spoken, it was pretty clear that this would be the last date. No harm no foul for either of us just didn't connect....
Which got me to thinking ALOT this week, I seem to gravitate to men where I am 100% sure that nothing will come of it - and it is becoming more of a pattern as I get older that I have no interest in changing. I have done some big changes over the years, lost weight, stopped smoking, dress cuter and sexier, but I don't want to make "that change" where I have to address why I feel awkward around men. It will involve emptying the safety deposit box of my life and laying bare my insecurities. I have done such a great job of hiding that key that the thought of looking for it is exhausting.
Damn it, here come the tears...... 

My Take: "emptying the safety deposit box of my life" and "here come the tears" make me laugh every time. I know. Hell awaits me. 

mo money mo bowling - m4w - 26 (7 10 lounge, lakeview)
ME: really hot frat dude. muscles. i was wearing a gold jersey that sayz "MO MONEY MO BITCHES" and it had real gold on it cuz thats how i roll.
U: the brazialian girl on lane 2 who kept checking me out. u were totaly into me.
if you wanna see whats under my gold shirt you should probably respond

My Take: This one lightens the mood, eh? Sometimes people post fake ads on Craig's List, but I'm pretty sure that's not how Todd rolls.
Re: Phases of the Moon - m4w (lunacy?) - w4m -
Get over yourself. Thats some of the most egotistical bs i've heard in a while. The worst people are those who hurt others in the name of religion and spirituality. Real spirituality is compassionate building bridges, not hiding, not running, not closing yourself off from the world. The moon isn't to blame for your self indulgence.

My Take: I have no idea what this is about, but I'm going to make "the moon isn't to blame for your self indulgence" my new catchphrase.

Goth Female At Comic Con In Cafe Who Had Seth Green Signed Breast - m4w (Manhattan)

My Take: Who cares what it said, the best part was the headline.

1 comment:

heartpinksky said...

Another excellent batch. Well done Sarah. Well done.