Sunday, March 15, 2009

From the List of Craig

It's been so long, you guys. I'm going to try and find some real gems to make up for my lateness. The last time I posted fastastic listings from Craig's List I got a comment from ANONYMOUS (For real? At least sign your first name or something. I'm nice, I swear) that was another great listing they found on the ol' List. I think this is an amazing idea! If all ya'll lurkers want to add some of your favorite pieces of ridicularity in the comments section I will fall madly in love with you, but not in a stalker way. Also, sign your freaking name, because when I open my email and see that there's a comment from "Anonymous" I get a serious case of the flop sweat. No one wants that.

On that sweaty note, on to the finds!

Free Books and Music Videos (Belltown)
FREE art books, one is History of Modern Art (thick heavy book), Erotica: The Fine Art of Sex (not trashy, just sex themed), and The Ultimate Guide to Cat Breeds. The videos are R.E.M. Tour Film and 10,000 Maniacs: Time Capsule, both original videos, both play fine, we just don't own a VCR anymore. Please, if you take one item, you must take all. I would like gone ASAP.
(Actual photo from listing)

My Take: I just love the collection they've put together. Espeically how they've categorized all three books as "art books." Sure, dude. Whatever you want to tell yourself.

Vintage Mall Madness board game (1989) (Rogers Park/Loyola)
Vintage Mall Madness board game from 1989. All the parts and play money and rule book are there, the electronic portion still works great. We just don't have room in our tiny condo to justify keeping it. Great for anyone who remembers playing the game when they were a kid... also a great game for kids to play now! You just need to come here and pick it up. If you happen to be free this afternoon to pick it up (3/15), that would be GREAT! We'll be around until 4pm.

My Take: WHAT in the holy hell are they THINKING?! Mall Madness is a fucking treasure and should be treated as such. They say they don't have room in their condo to "justify" keeping it? First of all, it's existence alone justifies keeping it. Second, you need to stop keeping that beauty on a shelf - Mall Madness should be framed and hung above the mantle.


My Take: "So, you wanna buy some drugs? Because I'm selling them on Craig's List."

You kinda threw me in the garbage... - w4m - 22
But you were doing it to save my life. That van almost hit me! You ran off so quickly that I didn't have a chance to talk with you. I owe a lot to you, and I wondering if I could take you out to the soup kitchen, where I volunteer, to have dinner. Then maybe we can go to Pinkberry and chill with the ducks down at the Echo Park Lake.
You've helped remind me there is good in everyone's hearts.

My Take: She's so not gonna put out. Also, "I could take you out to the soup kitchen... then we can go to Pinkberry!"
Rapunzel, Rapunzel! - m4w
You were a vision of loveliness as you jogged past me near Ballard Computer. Your long blonde hair and beautiful features reminded me of a fairy tale princess, and when our eyes met, I sensed that you were thinking to yourself "What a magnificent stallion... I must become intimate with him"... but alas, you were summoned away before you could act on your urges. If this is you, meet me in the wine cellar and you can have your way with me.

My Take: This is probably fake, but that doesn't mean it's not funny.

Box braids stunna - m4m - 22 (yankee stadium 161)
You: 20s tan skin stunna with box braids brown leather jacket shaken the place up in McDonalds on 161 st
Me: Pr 22 blue blazer green sneakers next to you online lets chat

My Take: This is the best kind of missed connection listing. Straightforward, but important details like how your object of affection was "Shaken (sic) up the place in McDonalds (sic)."
That's all for now, folks. Remember to comment with some kind of name, or I'll post a bunch of nasty rumors about Anonymous and you'll have to stay up all night wondering if I was talking about you.

No comments: