So Angry That I Can't Think of a Title

I've been running around doing this and that all day, so once I came home I had a lot of "news" to read. "News" in this house means Jezebel, Dlisted, and BuzzFeed. I came across a story on Jezebel about a group of "feminists" on the Ohio State campus in Columbus who have been spraypainting documented crime scenes with the phrase, "Someone was raped here." This disgusts me to no end and I may not do the most coherent job of explaining why, but I need to at least try.

A little background: I was assaulted my freshman year of college. I went to my school's counselors, who were actually the ones who defined sexual assault for me and told me that yes, I was sexually assaulted. They also refused to help me call the police (I told them that if they could physially call the police for me that I would give a statement, but if I called myself I knew that I would completely lose it), and then told me that I was going to the hospital for a check up, but actually sent me to a psychiatric hospital and tried to have me checked in against my will. It's a horrifying story, but I console myself by dreaming of the six figure book deal it's going to get me (I joke... unless you have connections in the publishing world).

When I so much as saw the image posted alongside the story, I totally flipped. Then I read the story, and began to understand the rationale the artists, the article's author, and some commenters had for this "feminist street art," and I completely lost my shit.

 

I cannot fathom how a person can see this and not think that it trivializes sexual assault. Actually, I can: They have never been affected by the consequences of rape.  I have, and that's why I'm so adamant about my stance on this misguided attempt at awareness. I absolutely loathe seeing anything posing as "sexual assault awareness." It's almost always wrong.  I cannot watch procedural crime shows, because they always depict a rape victim going to the police, the police sending out some super sleuthing crime unit, the woman's attacker being caught, and the victim thanking the heroes for freeing her of all her troubles. In my experience, you tell some official type that you were attacked and they accuse you of being a liar. Oh, and send you to the crazy house.  Then you go through years of therapy and still have flashbacks when you see graffiti like this, or when shows like Law and Order: SVU hit the air.  I have a theory about this, and this is the part that I struggle to express coherently, but I tried to do so on the Jezebel comments. Here's what I wrote: 

I feel as though none of the people responsible for this idea, the execution, or it's defense have ever been victims of sexual violence.

It's so common for those who volunteer at rape crisis centers, make posters and spray paint markers like these only have knowledge of assault experiences from pamphlets and health class videos.
The problem is that sexual assault is disabling, and it's incredibly hard to face in the way that would be necessary for a survivor to work for these kind of awareness/support groups. And some do, and that amazes me to no end.

I'm a survivor myself, and a gender studies major because of my assault, and I keep telling myself that someday, when I'm mentally ready, I'm going to help others. But that day hasn't come yet, and I know that it's partially because movements like this one drag me back, making what I felt two years ago just a little bit fresher.

So far all I can do is write comments like these, so hopefully in some way this helps at least one person. One day I hope I can help more.