With an Extra Dollop of Crazy

I typically try to take Hero for a walk around 4pm. Sometimes I'm busy with other stuff or I'm completely exhausted out of my mind (I'll post later about this. It's a whackadoodle story, of course), so he doesn't get walked, but then I at least play fetch with him for awhile to get his little legs moving.

Tonight I was at acupuncture (my new obsession) until pretty late in the evening, and then I went to dinner with my mom, and I didn't get home until around 8. I'd been away for most of the day, and I decided Hero needed some quality Sarah time, so I leashed him up and we set out. I guess the weirdness of my 'hood comes out at night, because we usually don't have such insanely odd walks, typically.

We didn't get to the end of the block before we encountered our first oddity. There were two children playing in their yard, and when they saw Hero they about peed on the spot. They ran over and I asked their mom if it was okay if they got to pet the dog, which of course was fine because hello? my dog is a fucking prince. The kids were SO chatty too, which I love. The older one, a girl told me both their names and that she was seven and her little brother just turned four. Also, these kids were incredibly filthy. I think they were burying each other alive or something - they were so caked in mud that it looked like they were in blackface.

So the filthy children were petting Hero and asking me about him and laughing when he licked their hands. The four year old was the most talkative. He asked what breed Hero was, he fed him some popcorn... it was like we were old friends or something. He was also completely hilarious:

Four Year Old: What's your dog's name?
Me: Hero.
FYO: AHHH! Like Superhero! THAT IS SO GREAT!

FYO: He smells like Santa.
Me: Did you just say that my dog smells like Santa?!
FYO: Yeah!
Seven Year Old: That's not true, you don't even know what Santa smells like!
Me: Does Santa smell like a dog?
FYO: Nooooo.
Me: So does my dog smell nice? Not too doggy?
FYO: Your dog smells like PRETTY!

Eventually the kids' mom came out and ushered them away. She may have thought I was a creep. It was getting dark, after all. And I was wearing a ski mask.

Hero and I kept walking, and for the most part everything was normal. At one point Hero stopped to pee, and he lifted his leg so high that I was sure he was going to fall over. He ended up landing on his leg again, but I think he was a little disoriented, because after nailing the landing he sort of rolled over, in an obviously accidental way, and then walked around like a furry little drunk. At this point I was cursing myself for not bringing a camera.

When we're on the home stretch of our excursion, Hero stops to sniff something and I see that there's a jogger coming our way. I get ready to move over or something, but this guy was pretty nice and moved to the street so as not to incur the wrath of such a ferocious beast (and her dog. ZING!). Hero and I both looked over at this guy and he's a total bro; running with his shirt off to display the tattoo he got in Daytona or whatever. Then Hero suddenly decides that this bro is HIS bro, and he starts running alongside him at the exact same pace. Hero's jog only lasted for made it to about 20 feet, when I his leash Hero's leash to make him stop being so embarrassing.

Finally we made it home, collapsed into bed, and hoped tomorrow's walk would be just as, if not more, cracked out.