Six More Reasons Why I'm Obsessed with Craig's List

Again, we virtually travel across America looking for weirdos and the Craig's List posts they so generously publish for my (and your!) own personal enjoyment.  Let's GOOOOOO!

pigmy doe - $50 (gifford)

i need a pigmy doe for my kids collection of animals, looking for the shortest doe i can find, willing to go with pigmy , fainter, or nubian mini, no papers necessary, just looking for a life long pet, thanks please let me know what you have. pictures would be nice thanks. oh yeah willing to travel if it is the right goat, and we do want horns, age doesnt really matter, at least 8 months old peferred.

This really left me with more questions than answers. What exactly is this "collection of animals" your children have? Why are horns so important? What are your plans for this teensy goat?! And how long do goats live? If your animal collector kids want a "life long pet" you should get them a parrot. Those fuckers never die. 

pygmy goats - $60 (Wilmington, IL) 

pygmy bucklings ready for new home, breeders only. great color.

This was listed earlier than the animal collector's ad, so I can only assume these goats were not satisfactory and the goat-seeker decided to make his own wishlist for a "life long friend." Kind of like when Snooki made a checklist for her ideal guido juicehead. 

Image from BuzzFeed, where you can find the BEST Jersey Shore recaps.

wild halloween mask - $25 (rantoul) 

looks like something from road warriors, horns,skull mounted on top evil looking

 

That's NOT a Halloween mask. That's something used for ritual sacrifices or a Mad Max porn. And I'd really like to know what business that skull has on the head of a bull from Planet of the Apes. 

Pair of Marble Fossil Obelisks - $200 (West Hollywood)
Purchase these beautiful pair of marble fossil obelisks from antique store in Atlanta. They are in great condiction and absolutely beautiful. Asking $200 OBO 

These would be great props for my 9/11 musical. Oh nards! Someone beat me to it! (Seriously, watch the video all the way through. Sorry I couldn't embed, but it's worth the trip.)

And since we haven't delved into missed connections lately...

To the beautiful blonde at County Hospital - m4w 

I used to go out with you...
I hope you're all right!
I miss you tons, but I take some comfort that you're in good hands.
But still... I wish I could see my hand resting against your skin again.
And bring you soup.
Be well!
Love

I can only imagine how many times since they've been apart this guy has had to say, "Sorry, ladies. I only date sickly girls."

Joshua Tree Knot Tying Tim - m4w (Echo Park)
Dear girl who I met at a bar in Joshua Tree who frequents Chango and listened to me talk about knots. I found your post on echo park now but it is no longer on craigslist. I will come find you.

He's knows a lot about tying knots. He will come find you. Someone call Antoine Dodson - I think we've found the Bed Intruder!