Freakonomics - Freal, Yo

I have an actual job and everything, but where I make most of my money is eBay and volunteering to be a research test subject. Both of these ventures are actually really good for lining my wallet, but lately I've been in kind of a rut.

The researchers are starting to get stingy. I mean, I used to get around $15 for an hour long experiment and now the average is $10. It's not too bad, but still. I'm poor! I need cash! I'll let you strap electrodes to me for a deuce! My pleading seems to be getting me nowhere.

As for eBay, I'm not sure if I've just started listing shitty stuff or if the market just in a lull. Fuck, maybe this is the recession all those CNN types are blabbing on about! I thought that was over in like, 2002! I should really read a paper every once in awhile.

Plus, my eBay bitches are getting a little 'tarded. I list things with 7 day auctions, and these fools watch the auction for six days and then don't bid. Then they send me emails saying, "I wanted to bid but didn't get a chance! Are you going to re-list?" It takes all my will to not respond with, "Fuck your bullshit. You had SIX days. What were you doing?!"

And I know the true bidding experts wait until the last minute so as not to raise the price, but these people are usually the ONLY people watching these items. And the auction is for something like a Pez dispenser or a pair of my mom's old Birkenstocks. Not exactly hot items, you know?

I think it's the terrorists. Well listen up Al Quaeda: I am not going to stop pursuing my shady money making techniques! If I give up on eBay the terrorists win.

Also, a note about the picture: Apparently the "auctioneer" character from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney World is the most popular animatronic in the entire park. He's also auctioning off women. I think this proves that Disney is a pro-pimp establishment, which is a-okay with me.