BUT, I heard about Britney opening the show, so after we finished disc 4 I went straight here to see the performance. Then I wept.
Uhhhh-kay. So I'm all for the rehabilitation of Brit. I defended her when she shaved her head saying she was really trying to make a social statement about how the paparazzi invade the privacy of celebs and how she's objectified and seen as a commodity and blah blah blah. But now I just think she's bipolar. She's really not helping me want to like her. I'd even admit Kevin should get the kids (if you tortured me for a response). Side note: Were you shocked when you found out K. Fed was of the Caucasian persuasion? Because I still don't really believe it.
But to keep things concise (hah) Britney looked like 1) she was trying too hard to suck in her stomach to actually pretend to dance, 2) her extensions were more obvious than Tyra's, and 3) she was doing such a terrible job of lip-synching that I thought she didn't know English anymore.
Why these things should not be true and/or prove that Brit has gone crazy AKA...
My advice to Britney:
1. Brit: you've had TWO children surgically removed from your abdomen. That's a big, life-changing deal. NO ONE is asking you to dance in underwear. But at least you were wearing it.
2. We've seen the grow-out! It's CUTE! Plus, if you are feeling self-concious about it, you can afford a decent weave! Justin will be there - go ahead and splurge.
3. You've made a career out of lip-synching. It's been awhile, but not that long. Drink less.
Now let's get to something a little less (psh! more) catty. Fashion! I know I'm not a person to talk about fashion. I wear jeans, tank tops, and Chucks/Birks every day. BUT, I am expertly outfitted to be cattier than the sassiest gay you know. So let's get started.
Bahscuse me, Lil' Mama?! Was the VMAs created so that people I want to like can disappoint me? I LOVE you Mama! WHY are you doing this to me??!! If you wanted to dress like a cracked out weirdo, you should have come in a dress made out of lip gloss. Actually, that would have been pretty cool.
Audrina looks like she's going (to be stood up) on a date with JustinBobby after the show. Which is to say, she looks nice, but we see her "everyday" look on The Hills. You can't dress it up a bit for an event? Whitney looks like a man. Is it just that her heels are too much taller than the other girls'? Is it the animal print dress? I can't really place it. But it's DRAGging me down. (Har Har. But really, Whitney is my girlfriend. I'm sad for this). But LAUREN. Way to pull one off, Girl!! She looks fucking AMAZING. I LOVE IT. Granted, I am a girl who loves a theme, but no matter what you have to admit that this girl looks better than Heidi EVER will. And that's how you get revenge.
This is just here so that I can share this anecdote:Me: If you were to get a tattoo, what would you get?
My Mom: Something practical like eyeliner. Or paw prints like Eve!
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