Thursday, January 15, 2009

As Seen on Craig's List

Craig's List is the funniest website on the interwebs, you guys. If you're ever feeling a little down and out, just pop on over to "Missed Connections," or my personal favorite, "Free," and you will be instantly delighted. My favorite thing to do is find the most ridic subject headings and then discover what treasures are in store once I read the whole posting. Here I present you with a few gems I found just today:

You had to steal the bin? (Champaign, IL)
C'mon, my only request was that nobody take the bin that the free toys (posted today) were in. I need that nice big clear bin. I explicitly asked that they not take that. Whoever took it, please return it ASAP.

My take: Yeah! C'MON!

IF your name is SHELLY & you are a size xs/s at EIU (Champaign, IL)
If your name is SHELLY and you are a size XS or Small, let me know if you are interested in a FREE Eastern Illinois monogramed Jacket. It is vintage, but in perfect condition. I live in Champaign. You can either pick it up, or pay to have it shipped to you. There is no charge for the jacket. Send me an email if you're interested, be sure to include your phone number or contact info.

My Take: I was sure this was a mis-posted missed connection, but it was in the free section, and the listing shows why. I get the feeling that this person will check IDs to make sure only SHELLYs apply.

male joey (usa)

ready to pull soon, and bottle feed

My Take: That's the whole listing. It was under "Pets" in Las Vegas. I'm assuming it's a baby kangaroo, but I have no idea what it's pulling.
Free Rocks (Henderson)

I have a truck load of rocks for free. I have filtered it and put it in a big pile for your convenience.

My Take: I get that these are probably landscaping rocks or something, but really? "Free rocks?" That will bring them in.

Attractive male crossdresser seeks woman clothes in exchange for? (Los Angeles)
I'm a 30's attractive male crossdresser looking for any female clothes, lingerie,skirts,tops, hose etc to trade for...?
I'm somehwat [sic] new to dressing up and have very little in teh [sic] way of clothing.
Let me know what you might like to trade clothes or lingerie for?
I also do pro fullbody massage.. just in case anyone might be interested in trading items for a legitimate massage.

My Take: Uh. There's a lot going on here. First, 30's crossdresser sounds like he dresses like a woman from the 1930s, not that he's in his 30s. I also love how he's like, "I'm new to this and I don't know what to trade... but I'll give you a massage!" Sure you will, buddy. (Found under "Barter")
But now I'd like to focus on the best of the best: Missed Connections.

24 Hour - m4w (WC)
You were wearing a blue t-shirt working out with your friend today. I was the guy you kept making eye contact with. I wanted to grab your number, but (1) I hate talking to girls at the gym and (2) you left before I could get over (1). If you see this, would love to grab dinner or drinks some time.
If you email, tell me what it said on your t-shirt.

My Take: You hate talking to girls at the gym (?) and then she LEFT! Whaaaaaat?

Looking for my limping lovely - m4w (Ames Pool Room)
Me: alcoholic pool pro, one or all-time loser, recently drank himself out of $14k in big game with Fat Man. You: limping actress-student, loves scotch. We met in the bus station, been looking for you ever since. Think you name was Sarah, but that coulda been a lie.

My Take: I guarantee you, if she's an acting student in LA, the limp was also a lie.
The Off Duty Cop that Blew at me - w4m (Chicago)

So you couldn't wait until I parked at the Post Office? So you were impatient when the ambulance went by? I am sorry for my brothers if they ever meet you while you are on duty. I am glad I didn't hear all those epithets you sent my way, behind a closed window.
I presumed it might have been racist. Says a lot for you as a cop.

For all those other cops that read this, don't email me back, it's aim [sic] at that one particular off duty cop that still had his uniform on driving his SUV in front of Morgan Park School. Ever heard of Angry-Management?

My Take: No, I have never heard of Angry-Management.

God, that was fun. This is going to become an ongoing segment on the blog, I think. Nay, I DECLARE.

1 comment:

heartpinksky said...

On the first one where you said "C'MON!" you better have been typing it just like Gob says it. And seriously, you find Craigslist gold.