In Which I Use An Inordinate Amount of Poophemisms

I'm in my 20s, so I spend about 18 hours a day wasting time on the Internet. This differs from people in their 30s who spend approximately 12 hours a day wasting time on the Internet. After all, someday we all become grown ups and realize we have responsibilities.

I like to spend my Internet time finding weird stuff, because that's where my interests lie. I read a great cryptozoology website called Cryptomundo, for instance. I also like to browse online shops and Etsy stores for taxidermy and portraits of Boston Terriers, and shop for fossilized dinosaur poop on eBay. 

I believe my extensive research has made me the perfect personal shopper. Just come to me and I will tell you what you need to make your life less mundane and more entertaining. No matter who you are, or where your interests lie, this is THE product you need to have.  

Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker, $24

via JapanTrendShop.com

I have a friend who, when entering a public restroom and noticing a person is in a stall keeping very quiet, yells, "I'M SORRY!" and races out of the there like the Roadrunner. She is probably slowly damaging her own kidneys because of her obsessive need to give people peace when they're trying to poop in a public toilet. 

I think it's safe to say that we've all been in a public restroom that's eerily quiet, and we're apprehensive to (in the words of the immortal Whitney Houston) "Drop it on the one." I talk about poop constantly, and even I sometimes get poo shy. I think we've all pulled the "wait for someone else to flush, then drop that deuce before someone can hear the plop." (Remind me to copyright that.) But what if no one's flushing and you've got to do the doo?!

Japan has provided us with the solution. The Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker is a keychain-sized device with a button that, when pushed, makes the sound of a toilet flushing. I can't even tell you how genius this is. Now you don't have to wait for someone else to flush before you can poo, and you don't have to waste water by flushing your own commode every time you need a little white noise to cover your brown noise (Yep. I took it too far that time. I'm somewhat sorry). The product even comes in a "Save the Earth" design, so you can look superior to other poopers!