Please Don't Touch My Refrigerators

I just woke up from the most bonkers dream and, weirdly, I remember all of it. I found this particular dream really entertaining, so I'm writing it down here. Just scroll down if you think hearing about other people's dreams is boring. I've tried to spice it up by adding a great video and a picture of Henry Rollins.

I'm at some kind of auction, and the item up for bid is lunch at some older rockstar's house (not gross old, just not like, Justin Timberlake). The bids are flying around and they're getting pretty high. I should mention at this point that my DAD is bidding pretty aggressively. He keeps looking at me and making a face like, "Hey, I'm a cool dad! Look what I'm doing for my kid!" But he doesn't realize that this guy is old and I'm not a fan of his -  and I'd rather just have the cash.  The bids are getting very high, and the mood of the room is super tense, then Cybil Shepard (who was in a bidding war with my dad) yells, "ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!" and everyone gasps.

My dad winks at me across the room and says, "One hundred TEN thousand dollars!" So now I have a lunch date with an aging rockstar.

My dad drives me to the guy's house, which is in the country somewhere. Not in a murderer kind of way, more like an I'm rich so I bought ten square miles of forest so no one will bother me kind of way.

The Rocker seems cool, and he says he's going to make us lunch. The auction was only for an hour (total ripoff), so I'm wondering how we'll fit making and eating a nice lunch into an hour, but I go with it. He takes me into his kitchen and it's filled with refrigerators. I count four of them, and when I point them out he takes me around the corner and there are like, eight more. Turns out he's kept every fridge he's ever had, including one that was built in (?!) to his old house that he tore out and installed in this house. I walk up to one and open it, and he pushes the door shut quickly and says, "Please don't touch my refrigerators."

He has some kind of crazy stove that he has to BUILD to make work, so he starts taking it apart and putting all kinds of different parts together. An alarm goes off, and it turns out he was timing our lunch so that we didn't go over the allotted one hour! He asks what time it is, and I'm having the hardest time telling the time on his messed-up clock. It's in military time, but it reads 30:45. So I'm like, "What's 30 minus 12? Wait, how could it be 30 at all? What's up with your clock?" Finally he gives up and just looks for himself.

"Hmmmm... I think we'll need more time. That's okay. Then we can actually take things slow."

I don't even know what he could mean, since he spent an hour showing me his refrigerator collection and I'm not here to try and smooch him.

Finally lunch is ready and we decide to eat outside. It's really nice outside and we start talking about some stuff, and it comes up that Rocker is friends with Henry Rollins. I then spend a considerable amount of time trying to get him to invite his old friend HR over for lunch. (Sidenote: I'm in love with Henry Rollins. And hey, this lunch is costing my dad $110,000. He should get his money's worth.) (Second Sidenote: I've been watching Sons of Anarchy and Henry Rollins is in the second season, but his role as a white power rapist BREAKS MY HEART.)

I then notice that there are four huge pandas sitting near us on the grass. I ask why there are pandas on the lawn, and Rocker says they're his "Guard Pandas." Then we hear a snap noise coming from the woods just beyond the house, and then a scream. The pandas start freaking out and running toward the trees, and we follow.

The pandas are long gone before we ever reach the tree line, and before we can follow them further a group of women emerge from the forest. It takes me awhile to recognize them, but it's all the moms from my neighborhood, plus my own mom, and my acupuncturist. Turns out they were worried I was going to miss my acupuncture appointment, so they came to get me, and sadly on their way my acupuncturist was caught in a bear trap.

Then I woke up.