Um, Retro In a Not So Good Way

I'm pretty sure I wore these exact shoes in one of many musical theatre productions of my younger years (although my jazz squares were not performed in shoes by Frye):
This reminder of my past makes me simultaneously abhor and covet them. Plus, I'm SO happy that someone (and of course it's the geniuses that brought us the Campus Boot) has thought of an alternative to this narsty idea:
If I ever see anyone on the street actually wearing jazz shoes, I promise to stab them.