Baby Talk

As dedicated readers will know, I work as a baby whisperer. Some call it a babysitter, some call it a nanny, I call it a calling. For real though, I'm pretty good with kids. I think it's because of three main reasons: I don't get embarrassed, I don't get grossed out, and I will do anything for a laugh.

I started hanging out with a certain Kid for money back in the fall. We're pretty tight by now, and I've been watching him learn to crawl and walk and talk and it's all very heartwarming. Kid is now chatting up a storm, and running around tormenting the family dog. Yesterday we were reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear and at the end Kid pointed to the teacher, looked at me and said, "teacher."I have not been so amazed since I found out The Sound of Music was a true story. It was completely coherent and unexpected, and I had no idea Kid could say more than the usual "up," "down," and "doggie." Obviously, Kid was holding out on me.

I decided then and there that if he could say teacher, he could say Sarah. I recited my name to him so many times it stopped making sense. I got nowhere. At one point during a very animated diaper change, while I was trying to coax Kid into even a "Saahh" or "Rahrah," he turned to me, with a completely solemn look on his face, and said, "Poop."

I left Kid with his parents (whose names he knows and uses freely) thinking that I would be forever known as Poop. I show up today and hear that not only did Kid say Sarah right after I left, but he continued to say Sarah all evening and into this morning. Of course, when I showed up it was as if I was no more important than my namesake, Poop.

We were walking across the park today and Kid was naming all kinds of things for me. A tree, a swing, a something or other, and without the slightest bit of egging on he looked at me and said, "Skwawah!" I was so happy to no longer be Poop I swooped in to give Kid a kiss and got smacked in the eye by the brim of his hat. Even now, as I type this with one eye swelled shut, possibly forever, I know that at least this is better than being named Poop.