Don't You Bongo?: Oscars Coverage, or Whatever

I have such ambivalent feelings about last night's Oscars. I watched the show at my mom's house (my mom is way into awards season, and I've been watching since I was mere months old), but I also set my DVR to record it at my place, in case I wanted specific screen shots when I blogged later. That was a real fucking waste of digital space, because there was nothing of interest during the show. In fact, I spent most of the telecast on Twitter, which was infinitely more entertaining. You can see what I Twitterered here.

But, as a devoted slave to pop culture, I must at least say a few things. And critique some clothes, of course.

First of all, Kirk Douglas was totally adorable and everyone laughed and loved him, even though it appeared as though he died three years ago. But then my women's studies background reared its femmy head and I took issue with the whole gimmick. Remember when Elizabeth Taylor announced Best Picture at the Golden Globes and she was just being Elizabeth Taylor and everyone was like, "She's drunk! She's senile!"? Why do old crazy men get away with anything and get to be adorable and old crazy women are drunk/on drugs/certifiably insane? Any woman who answers a question, then announces that she's going to howl the answer, and does, deserves our utmost respect and love.

Secondly, I thought Anne Hathaway's giddiness at hosting the Oscars was completely infectious. She realized this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she was just going to go and have fun. James Franco had fun too, I guess. I mean, he was clearly high the whole time. I don't really care about that, but I do care that he kind of messed up Anne's night. At some points she was desperately trying to salvage their banter, and he was just standing there like an asshole. Is he not familiar with the "Yes, and..." rule about acting with a partner?! If she were still with her billionaire criminal boyfriend she could have put a hit on Franco and made sure he never ruined any of her Golden Moments again.

Now on to fashion. There weren't any huge disasters on the red carpet (I assume because No Face wasn't there), so I'm only going to highlight my favorites. Also, because I want to make you work for it, they're gonna be after the jump.

This, in my opinion, is the number one best outfit of the night. Cate Blanchett is amazing, but this dress is a true work of art, and not just any woman could pull it off. In fact, if it were on a different person and/or styled differently, this look could easily be on my worst list.

I think Joan Rivers will hate this, but I really liked it. I like how it's kind of an old lady dress, but then she has funky/beachy hair to make it young. In fact, I'm super jealous of her hairstyle. My mom was not a fan (she likes a neat, clean updo for formal events like the Oscars). I think the hair is what takes this look from an "Oh honey, no" to a "Oh honey, you're a quirky, sexy rebel." There was also a nice cutout in the back to keep it from going too matronly.

Ugh, I want to steal her hair.

It was hard to find a picture that did Mandy Moore's dress justice, and although this is the best I can do, it's still not the greatest. Disclaimer: In my eyes Mandy Moore can do no wrong. I'll pretend to be objective. This dress is gorgeous, and her entire look is beautiful, yet young and fresh. My favorite part, though, is that the whole top is illusion netting up to her neckline. Have you ever seen illusion netting do the job it's actually supposed to, i.e. look like there is no illusion netting? That's the power of Mandy Moore at work.