But, as a devoted slave to pop culture, I must at least say a few things. And critique some clothes, of course.
First of all, Kirk Douglas was totally adorable and everyone laughed and loved him, even though it appeared as though he died three years ago. But then my women's studies background reared its femmy head and I took issue with the whole gimmick. Remember when Elizabeth Taylor announced Best Picture at the Golden Globes and she was just being Elizabeth Taylor and everyone was like, "She's drunk! She's senile!"? Why do old crazy men get away with anything and get to be adorable and old crazy women are drunk/on drugs/certifiably insane? Any woman who answers a question, then announces that she's going to howl the answer, and does, deserves our utmost respect and love.
Secondly, I thought Anne Hathaway's giddiness at hosting the Oscars was completely infectious. She realized this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and she was just going to go and have fun. James Franco had fun too, I guess. I mean, he was clearly high the whole time. I don't really care about that, but I do care that he kind of messed up Anne's night. At some points she was desperately trying to salvage their banter, and he was just standing there like an asshole. Is he not familiar with the "Yes, and..." rule about acting with a partner?! If she were still with her billionaire criminal boyfriend she could have put a hit on Franco and made sure he never ruined any of her Golden Moments again.
Now on to fashion. There weren't any huge disasters on the red carpet (I assume because No Face wasn't there), so I'm only going to highlight my favorites. Also, because I want to make you work for it, they're gonna be after the jump.