Dedicated to Sadie

I just stumbled upon this picture of a cat in a wig.

I only had to look at it for a second to realize why it looks so familiar. IT LOOKS JUST LIKE SADIE.

That is all. Except that the goat in the picture is named Jacob Black.

Someday I'm Gonna Name Something Boomer

One of the greatest television programs of all time, Battlestar Galactica, ended on Friday. I decided on Saturday afternoon that I was going to dedicate a post to my favorite character, but I didn't get around to it until now. I think because I don't want it to be over. I'm not going to spoil the ending, because that's gotten me in trouble in the past, but I will say that even though the series has ended, it was a very satisfying ending. My main pet peeves about the show were addressed, and now I can safely say that I love pretty much everything Battlestar and always will.

My favorite part of BSG was watching Grace Park play Sharon/Number Eight/Boomer/Athena. She had to play at least two majorly different parts, and was technically playing thousands, in her role(s) as Sharon "Boomer" Valeri, Sharon "Athena" Agathon, and all the other incarnations of the Cylon known as Number Eight. The different Sharons could not be more different - the only thing they share is that they both betrayed their respective loved ones and societies to join forces with the enemy race. One is a killer, the other a mother, and they are both played with perfect precision by a truly unappreciated actor.

Seriously, America, why is Grace Park not getting movies and TV deals left and right?! Is all the attention really going to BSG's breakout star, Katee Sackhoff, and there is none left to go around? I truly don't get it. All you need to do is watch one episode from the first season where we see the Sharon on Galactica carry out sabotage missions and make out with Chief Tyrol and THEN see the Sharon on Caprica battle between carrying out cylon missions while falling for her human target, the superhot Carl Agathon.  It really makes me want to remake The Parent Trap, she's that good.

So, dear readers, if you have been following the adventures of the refugees of the 12 Colonies, then I hope you appreciated Grace Park's lovely, understated performances. If you are yet to join the ranks of Battlestar-crazies, then I hope you take notice of what I believe to be the most underappreciated character(s) and actor on the show. Take that Edward James Olmos!

From the List of Craig

It's been so long, you guys. I'm going to try and find some real gems to make up for my lateness. The last time I posted fastastic listings from Craig's List I got a comment from ANONYMOUS (For real? At least sign your first name or something. I'm nice, I swear) that was another great listing they found on the ol' List. I think this is an amazing idea! If all ya'll lurkers want to add some of your favorite pieces of ridicularity in the comments section I will fall madly in love with you, but not in a stalker way. Also, sign your freaking name, because when I open my email and see that there's a comment from "Anonymous" I get a serious case of the flop sweat. No one wants that.

On that sweaty note, on to the finds!


Free Books and Music Videos (Belltown)
FREE art books, one is History of Modern Art (thick heavy book), Erotica: The Fine Art of Sex (not trashy, just sex themed), and The Ultimate Guide to Cat Breeds. The videos are R.E.M. Tour Film and 10,000 Maniacs: Time Capsule, both original videos, both play fine, we just don't own a VCR anymore. Please, if you take one item, you must take all. I would like gone ASAP.

(Actual photo from listing)

My Take: I just love the collection they've put together. Espeically how they've categorized all three books as "art books." Sure, dude. Whatever you want to tell yourself.

Vintage Mall Madness board game (1989) (Rogers Park/Loyola)
Vintage Mall Madness board game from 1989. All the parts and play money and rule book are there, the electronic portion still works great. We just don't have room in our tiny condo to justify keeping it. Great for anyone who remembers playing the game when they were a kid... also a great game for kids to play now! You just need to come here and pick it up. If you happen to be free this afternoon to pick it up (3/15), that would be GREAT! We'll be around until 4pm.


My Take: WHAT in the holy hell are they THINKING?! Mall Madness is a fucking treasure and should be treated as such. They say they don't have room in their condo to "justify" keeping it? First of all, it's existence alone justifies keeping it. Second, you need to stop keeping that beauty on a shelf - Mall Madness should be framed and hung above the mantle.

FREE ADVICE ON DRUG ABUSE (LAS VEGAS)
TALK TO SOMEONE WHOS BEEN THERE.................FREE AND CONFIDENTIAL

My Take: "So, you wanna buy some drugs? Because I'm selling them on Craig's List."

You kinda threw me in the garbage... - w4m - 22
But you were doing it to save my life. That van almost hit me! You ran off so quickly that I didn't have a chance to talk with you. I owe a lot to you, and I wondering if I could take you out to the soup kitchen, where I volunteer, to have dinner. Then maybe we can go to Pinkberry and chill with the ducks down at the Echo Park Lake.
You've helped remind me there is good in everyone's hearts.
Penny

My Take: She's so not gonna put out. Also, "I could take you out to the soup kitchen... then we can go to Pinkberry!"

Rapunzel, Rapunzel! - m4w
You were a vision of loveliness as you jogged past me near Ballard Computer. Your long blonde hair and beautiful features reminded me of a fairy tale princess, and when our eyes met, I sensed that you were thinking to yourself "What a magnificent stallion... I must become intimate with him"... but alas, you were summoned away before you could act on your urges. If this is you, meet me in the wine cellar and you can have your way with me.

My Take: This is probably fake, but that doesn't mean it's not funny.

Box braids stunna - m4m - 22 (yankee stadium 161)
You: 20s tan skin stunna with box braids brown leather jacket shaken the place up in McDonalds on 161 st
Me: Pr 22 blue blazer green sneakers next to you online lets chat

My Take: This is the best kind of missed connection listing. Straightforward, but important details like how your object of affection was "Shaken (sic) up the place in McDonalds (sic)."

That's all for now, folks. Remember to comment with some kind of name, or I'll post a bunch of nasty rumors about Anonymous and you'll have to stay up all night wondering if I was talking about you.

Dora The Lesbian Icon

On the Slate Magazine Culture Gabfest they're talking about the old Dora the Explora vs. the new tarted up Dora the Explora (That's not a typo. It's clearly supposed to rhyme. Why pretend?) and one of the panelist said something along the lines of, "What will the babydykes play with?!"

I am familiar with Dora, but only to the extent that I believe she is so fucking annoying I want to stab her en su cara.  I was aware that the show is supposed to be "interactive" and that she is also allegedly a "girl power" figure, but I never thought of her as being a "babydyke." Now that I've been confronted with this image, I'm so outraged - not only by Nickelodeon and Mattel, but also by the people criticizing their actions. 

Full disclosure: I have seen approximately three episodes of Dora the Explora. I do, however, have an almost three year old next door neighbor who lurves her and has a complete plastic Dora kitchen that bakes little plastic Dora snacks. I also once had an enlightening conversation with B about Dora and how he too hates her guts, and I was oddly fascinated with following the Dora makeover story. 

Nickelodeon seems to be perturbed that los ninos are getting sick of Dora once they're potty trained, so they're giving her a "makeover" with the help of Mattel to make her appeal to "tweens." From what I've gathered in my career as a babysitter, kids get sick of Dora when they hit about 5 or 6, and a "tween" is around 9-12. So they're going to lose them for three years anyway, making this plan retarded.

Anyway! They released the silhouette of the older, cooler Dora, and she appears to have lost everything that made her Dora the Explora. No exploring clothes, no backpack, no sensible haircut. I know it's just a silhouette, but she looks like a Bratz doll.

You cannot go trekking through the forest in a skirt and ballet flats. I also read an account that said she's wearing a tunic and leggings, which makes even less sense. Also, it encourages young girls to NOT WEAR PANTS.

After hearing that the old Dora was a lesbian fashionplate for toddlers, this new makeover is even more unsettling. It's also completely upsetting that a character like Dora, who's about 6 or 7, wears shorts and a tee, has a bob haircut and carries a backpack everywhere is a "babydyke." AND that this same person criticizes the "sexualization" of the new Dora. Calling someone a dyke IS sexualization - you don't need to heteronormalize something to assign it sexual connotations.

It also makes sense that Dora would have different hair and be thinner. Most small children are chunkier than they are when they are older, and once children develop agency of their own, they will probably have the opportunity to change their hairstyle. That said, are we to assume that because Dora grew up that she completely lost her desire for exploration? Does she now prefer to hang out at the mall and talk about boys?

Also, this Dora is NOT getting a TV show (as yet) and therfore her backstory will be entirely defined by a show where she is basically a completely different person. Are tween girls supposed to make up their own stories for Dora, and if so, why not just get them a Barbie or Bratz doll? There are already "non-dyke" Dora dolls in which Dora is sans backpack as a princess, so if the idea was to de-gay her by putting her in a traditional gendered doll scenario, mission accomplished.

I guess my point is, I don't give a shit about Dora the Explora and her makeover. But I DO care about why it happened and why the old Dora is apparently for little gaybies and the new one is for tweenage slutbags.

Just buy your kids a Playmobil and save yourself the headache. And the lecture from me about gender roles and heteronormativity. Whoopstoolate!

Why I'd Rather Live Across from Sloth

There's this guy across the street who's some kind of caretaker for a man with Alzheimer's. There's a man and a woman who take care of him, but I think he may be neglected because all these two seem to do is sit on the porch and talk on the phone (her) or stare at me (him). Apparently the daughters promised their father that they would never put him in a nursing home or sell his house as his Alzheimer's progressed, but I think they should renege on that because the house is falling down and he's being cared for by creeps.

The woman isn't that odd, mainly because while she's staring blankly across the street at me she's on the phone. This man, however, seem to have no hobbies besides leering and then yelling (literally. yelling.) strange things at me across the street. He must know that he's To Catch a Predator's wet dream, because he never comes within 100 feet of me.

The only way to understand the creep factor of this individual is to imagine the love child of the weird guardians of Pete in Pete's Dragon and the Fratellis from The Goonies. According to Wikipedia, those people who use Pete as a slave are called "The Gogans." I call them the stars of my nightmares from 1989-1993.

Now that you have a clear picture of the ghoulishness I face every day, you can imagine how apprehensive I am when I take Hero out for a tinkle in the front yard. We were out today and the Creep Keeper was outside, most likely waiting for me. He asked about Hero and I said something like, "Oh, he's a very good dog blah blah," and Captain Creepster says, "So, uh, does he bark when someone's standing outside your door?"

I thought about this for a second. Then I ran inside and locked the door and hid under my Slanket.

Sunshine

Slumdog fever is still all up in America's grill, as I'm sure you know. Those little scamps stole our hearts, kicked ass at the Oscars, and had about eight million articles, TV segments, and blog posts written about them. Woo freakin' do.

To be fair, I did really like Slumdog Millionaire. My favorite part was the Bollywood ode at the end,

...and this kid in general
The main thing that made me want to see Slumdog wasn't adorable Indian children or the fact that it starred Anwar from my fave show Skins, but the fact that it was directed by Danny Boyle.

You may know all about how Danny Boyle "re-imagined the zombie movie" with 28 Days Later, but you most likely don't know that he also made one of the best sci-fi movies (maybe in the top 25 EVER) that also completely re-charged the genre. I'm talking about Sunshine, a movie that was as amazing and captivating as it was unseen by pretty much everyone. It wasn't released into many theaters, and then was released on DVD just as covertly.

The story revolves around a team of astronauts (including Cillian Murphy and Rose Byrne, both of whom I am in love with) that are on a mission to re-ignite the sun, which is dying, in order to preserve life on Earth. They are actually the second team to attempt this, as the first team disappeared while on their mission. The new 'nauts eventually discover the first ship, and then some stuff happens. See, I don't want to spoil it for you since after reading this I expect you to go to the video store and immediately pick up a copy of Sunshine for yourself.

Sunshine is the type of movie that you see and then keep talking about for a week afterward. When Danny Boyle went onstage at the Oscars I chose to believe that at least one Academy voter said, "This is for Sunshine, man!" while they checked his name on their ballot. Now scamper off and find out why!!