If It's Not a Trilogy, It's Not YA Fiction

I've talked about how I have a total writer-crush on Kristin Cashore. She's the author of Graceling and Fire, two of my favorite YA books of all time. I really, really love her writing. When I found out that she's only had these two books published, I was at first really impressed (I don't think Graceling reads like a "first novel" at all), and then totally bummed (I wanted to read more and more of her writing.) If you didn't read my reviews, just re-read this paragraph and you'll see that I clearly want to get literary-married to Kristin Cashore.

Sidenote: I'm kind of digging the phrase "literary-married." Holy Moses, there are so many authors I want to literary-marry. I won't even begin to list them. That's another story for another time. 

I've been on the lookout for Kristin Cashore's next wonderful, genius book, and today I found it! Well, I found a mention of it. But that's all I need to get superpumped and proclaim to the world that THERE IS A GOD AND HE LOVES YA FICTION. 

I was browsing my library's catalog of eBooks, and I saw that they had Fire. But next to the title there was something that set my heart afire (Pun! Ha!). 

TRILOGY?!?!!?!?!

Now that I think about it, it makes perfect sense. Not because the story lends itself to a three-part series - it doesn't. The books aren't even a series, they're more like companion books, only being related because they take place in the The Seven Kingdoms (hence the trilogy title). No, it makes sense because that's just how books (mainly YA books) are published now. It seems like you can't get anything published without making it have at least three volumes. I picture a YA author submitting a manuscript and the publisher saying, "Great! What do you have planned for the next two?" One thing I really like about The Seven Kingdoms series (still getting used to calling it that) is that each of the books can stand alone and still be completely understandable and enjoyable.  

The third book will be called Bitterblue, after a character readers will remember from Graceling. The tentative release date that I found is June 2012, but there's hardly any info out there. It's not even on Amazon, and we all know Amazon list books WAY before their release date. Even though there's very little information available about Bitterblue (at least that I could find), and a frequently delayed, tentative release date, the book already has a GoodReads page. And it has reviews. 

At first I was upset that people were criticizing what will be in the book when they haven't even read it. It may not even be finished, for all we know. But I've had a change of heart, realizing that these people are just fans that want to talk about the books they love. Look, I'm unashamed about my love for the Twilight series, but I can go on and on about how I hated Breaking Dawn and consider it fan fiction, and how the movies are comically ridiculous and LAME. Few people love every aspect of something they're a fan of, and that's ok. Although the only complaint I can think of about the Seven Kingdoms series is that it's 3 books instead of 20.

Eventually, There Will Be A Pinterest Rehab Program

Have you read The Tipping Point? When I read it, I realized I'm a Maven. And, according to Malcolm Gladwell, as a Maven it is my job (or more like something I force on people) to share with the world all the great things I discover. I love doing this, as you can probably tell from my annual gift guides and, if you know me personally, my habit of telling you about the latest, greatest thing I've found out about. 

One of my obsessions from the past six months or so is Pinterest. If you're not familiar with Pinterest, it's a site where you can "pin" things you like all over the internet, and then post them to your Pinterest account, which is then shared with the Pinterest community. Other users can then see what's being posted and, if they like it too, "repin" it to their own boards. Pinterest is great for Mavens because they can show off all their latest discoveries, and it's great for everyone else because IT'S SO GOSHDARNED ADDICTIVE.

Seriously. I pin shit all over the internets.

When you're all up on Pinterest as much as I am, you start to see the patterns that develop among pinners. There are a few main themes that show up again and again...

Those who pin future wedding plans, but are not engaged, and sometimes don't seem to have a significant other in the first place. (I fantasy-decorate my future house, so maybe I shouldn't judge, but to me this not-real-wedding stuff seems straight up weird.)

Homemade versions of foods you could easily buy at the fucking grocery store. Sometimes they're trying to use less sugar, or make it vegan, but most of the time they are just masochists with a whole lot of time on their hands. Who is this person, making homemade Snickers bars? WHO?!

Outfit mood boards. I actually really like this idea, and was always like, "Where do they find these?!" Then after months of seeing them, I got some smarts and actually clicked on one, and found out they make them on Polyvore. Now I'm addicted to that, too. 

There are many other subjects heavily represented (like, say, pictures of your boyfriends), but the ones that actually drives me absolutely batshit crazy are the pro-ana, obsessive workout, body slamming "motivational" pins. 

That last one really gets me, and it's a common trend: Using pictures of celebrities and then smacking some self-hating message on it. As though Emily from Pretty Little Liars is like, "Hey, Cupcake Breath! Don't be a Hefty Hanna!" 

Listen, I'm all for being healthy and taking care of your body, but I'm wholly against belittling yourself into becoming motivated to do so. I have yet to see an inspirational message like, "You're so happy after a run!" or, "It's a gorgeous day! Go for a walk!" 

So, I highly recommend you start using Pinterest. But remember: When a pin encourages you to throw up your homemade Nutella, just say NO FUCKING WAY. 

And don't forget to send me a save the date for your fake wedding. 

It's So Ridiculous And Wonderful I Can't Come Up With A Worthy Title

I've recently gotten totally sucked into the world of KDrama, specifically Boys Over Flowers. I had heard of KDrama before - it's gaining more and more popularity internationally - but I wasn't really interested in taking part in the trend. I have an admitted addiction to teen/20something-centric, soapy TV shows, which many KDramas are, but I wasn't sure Korean shows could live up to the scandalous, melodramatic story lines I crave. But I saw Boys Over Flowers was now on Netflix Instant and I decided to give it a shot.

Oh. My. God. Koreans know their melodrama. AND HOW.

I thought the cultural differences between America and Korea would make KDrama difficult to get sucked in to, but in fact, those differences are the things I'm kvelling over the most. Allow me to share my obsession with you.

Boys Over Flowers has everything I want in a melodrama. There's a Cinderella story, a love triangle, forbidden romances, crazy plot twists (including multiple kidnappings), and good looking people. The main protagonist is Geum Jan Di, the lower-class daughter of a dry cleaner. Her adversaries (but eventual friends) and the other protagonists are F4, or the Flower 4 (Why they are called The Flower 4 is never explained. I think if I were Korean I would understand. Sadly, I am white and I don't get it). They are all very powerful and popular. When the F4 walk down the street, girls run after them crying like they're The Beatles.

Each episode is a little over an hour long, and they cram so much complicated story into that 63 or so minutes that it feels like you just watched a miniseries. You know how most shows have an A, B, and sometimes C storyline? This show has storylines A through G. Plus, the stories are CRAZY.

One thing this KDrama is missing is sex. There's not really even kissing. They kiss like cartoons, where they put their closed mouths together and don't move. Why is this? I don't know. I haven't googled it yet. Even without hot smooching action, I've become completely invested in Jan Di and Jun Pyo's love story. Jun Pyo essentially kidnaps Jan Di multiple times, and he's a whiny, spoiled baby, yet I want them to be in love and together forever. Jun Pyo is basically a whinier Logan Echolls - he's a jerk, but he has a sensitive side that he only shows Jan Di. But they've only kissed (cartoon kissed) like five times over the course of over 20 episodes. At one point Jun Pyo shows up at Jan Di's house, spends the night sleeping on the floor with her whole family, then goes to the public bathhouse with her dad and brother. That's pretty up close and personal considering at that point he hadn't even kissed her ONCE.

Jan Di has odd courtship methods as well. She makes multiple presents for Jun Pyo, and all of them are some depiction of his face. HIS FACE.

Maybe these two things are on the up and up in Korea. I admittedly know nothing about Korean culture.  Since I've never watched any other KDramas, I frequently have no idea whether this show is being normal or wackadoo. It's also interesting that the main feature that makes Jan Di's creations resemble Jun Pyo is the curly hair. They make a big deal about his curly hair, but to me it looks like they curled his hair with a curling iron and didn't bother to shake out the curls to make them look remotely natural. Even so, he's still super attractive (and apparently a Ghetto Hunk).

There's also a great scene where Yi Jung comforts/flirts with Ga Eul by (completely out of the blue, mind you) going onstage at a nightclub and playing a smooth jazz saxophone solo. Naturally this made me do a spit-take, fall over, and proceed to lose my mind. This has to be universally cornball, no matter what country you're from, right?

So three members of F4 have love interests (Ji Hoo is also in love with Jan Di, because no drama is complete without a love triangle), but what about the fourth member, Woo Bin? He has no storyline, really. BUT he has a habit of using English words like "Yo" and "bro" in a pretty thick accent. (This video calls it Engrish, but since he's pronouncing everything properly I have to disagree with them.)It always sounds odd and out of place and I cannot possibly get enough of it.

Another thing that I find a bit confusing is the sexual orientation of the "master" of the porridge shop Jan Di and Ga Eul work in. Every time I see him I think, "Is he supposed to be a kooky gay guy, or is he just part of some cultural subset that to me seems kinda gay?" Later in the series he calls himself a "flower boy" and hits on Ji Hoo, so I'm pretty sure he's straight up gay.

And really, it's the hetero F4 boys that dress like high fashion homosexuals.

Oh, does that background look familiar? It's because it's an EXACT replica of The Venetian in Las Vegas. I knew there was a Venetian in Macau, but I was not prepared for this. This totally weirded me out at first, but really, why wouldn't they just build the same resort on the other side of the world? That's just good business.

Speaking of things that are exactly the same, the soundtrack of the show is five songs that they use over and over again. They get stuck in your head so fast that before you know it you're downloading all the songs and listening to them and singing along, even though you only know the few words in each song that are in English.

Not that I did that or anything.

At least one of the songs is performed by SS501, a Korean boy band fronted by Kim Hyun Joong, who plays Ji Hoo. That's right, the Korean Justin Timberlake is one of the F4. I have no idea if that's a valid comparison, but in my imagination it totally is. Naturally, I looked into SS501, and what I found was almost as fantastic as Boys Over Flowers itself. SS501 is pronounced "double S five oh one" and stands for Super Star, Singer, and the five band members uniting as one. And that's just scratching the surface. The SS501 Wikipedia page is so full of fantastic facts, I could write a whole post on it alone. (Like how they have a music video that is an exact reenactment of The Backstreet Boys' "As Long As You Love Me" video.)

If you watch the show (which obviously you should), you'll soon realize that I'm barely scratching the surface with these observations. So many things happen in just one episode, and this long-ass post is my edited version. I didn't even mention the (comically) elaborate plot to kidnap Jan Di, or how the ShinHwa students once knocked Jan Di off her bike and then set her bike on fire. I only have three episodes of the show left, and I'm already in mourning. But I guess that just means that I'll have to move on to the next KDrama, and you can bet if it's as bananas as Boys Over Flowers I'm not going to be able to shut up about it.

Gotta G-g-g-get That That That

It's hot. It's so hot that I think I may have caused water damage to my phone by holding it in my hand while walking outside. Because of the sweatiness. Because I am a sweatmonster.

I've managed to make my bedroom a tolerable temperature by blasting the A/C and running both a ceiling fan and a table fan. The table fan is sitting on my desk, blowing across the room to circulate some air, but I've started sitting at my desk (less than a foot away from the fan) and letting it bombard my face with icy coolness until my eyes dry out.  Desperate times, you guys, desperate times.

So I'm relatively cool and comfortable, but I can't hear a fucking thing because this fan is louder than anything. Make a "Shhhhhh" noise as loud as you can. Now imagine it twice as loud. See, you may be doing what I ask, but I can't hear you because OH MY GOD THIS FAN. Also because you and I are in completely different places, but I consider that irrelevant.

Everybody knows the best thing to do when the outside is like the surface of the sun (covered in lava and then set on fire) is watch movies and TV on your laptop. But with that damned fan running how can you or I hear any sound coming from your tiny laptop speakers? We can't. And that's why we need Boom.

Boom is an app available for Macs that significantly improves your computer's sound volume and quality. I downloaded the weeklong trial, but I bought the full app after only one day of using it - it was that great. The price seems to fluctuate (the listed regular price is $8.99, when I look at the site now it's $6.99, and I bought it a few weeks ago for $4.99), but at any price it's worth it. I initially bought the app so I could watch volume-challenged videos without needing to wear headphones, but now I run the app constantly. You can customize the settings, but I'm not too savvy or particular about my sound (I just want to hear it). If you want the app to be louder for music than movies, or whatever, you can set that up pretty easily.

PS: I have no ulterior motive for convincing you to buy Boom. It has exponentially improved my quality of life  and I want to tell everyone about it. That's not to say that I would turn down any compensation for my glowing review, I'm just not getting money or a Boom USB drive and a set of Boom golfballs.

PPS: I'd also like to add that I found out about this amazing app from the Tumblr Netflix Movies That Don't Suck, which is a great resource when you're looking for a non-shitty movie to stream.

My Favorite of All The Bald Contestants on The Voice

I don't know how I ended up being totally sucked into The Voice. It doesn't make sense, considering I've never really been into any reality competition shows outside of Project Runway, Ru Paul's Drag Race, and The Mole (BTW, I'm ready for a reboot of The Mole. I assume the four other people who watched it are too).

So while I don't know why I started watching The Voice in the first place, but I'm so glad I did, because it became one of my latest obsessions. I've been wanting to spread the good word about The Voice, and now that we know who the winner is, I think it's time I shared what I think was the best* part about the show: Beverly McClellan

*It's probably a tie for "The Best" between Beverly and Blake Shelton. I had no idea who he was before the show, and now I think he's one of the best people ever. When he said that Dia was part of his family my hand shot up and I was like, "TEARS."

Beverly stole my heart from her very first performance during the whiplash-chair auditions. I lurved the look on Christina Aguilera's face when her chair turned around and there was a 40-something tattooed lesbian with a shaved head. The point of The Voice was that at first contestants were judged only on their vocal ability, but the judges (Christina most of all) would always, ALWAYS comment on how they wished they had turned around for a good looking person and how they were surprised when they chose a person who was not what they expected. Even though I loved judging Christina's judgements, I was first drawn to Beverly because of her voice.

The nice thing about The Voice is that there were no bad singers on the show, ever. The initial auditions took place off camera until there was a group of "some of the best singers in the country" who would then audition for the judges. This meant that even those who weren't chosen by any judge were still fun to listen to, and got nice feedback from the judges about how they could improve (or hear about how the judges wish they had turned around because the singer turned out to be good looking).

So Beverly's voice was amazing, and she was put on Christina's team because of it. The real thing that made me become a total Beverly fan, though, was her absolute joy in performing. Seriously, never has anyone (anyone!) made performing on stage look so easy and so fun. Watching Beverly perform, I would find myself thinking, "Well, I want to do that! Why am I not doing that?" Only to snap back into reality and realize that what Beverly makes look so easy is most definitely NOT easy, and I'm jealous that she's clearly having THE MOST FUN EVER HAD BY ANY PERSON.

This is my favorite performance of Beverly's, and I love it for so many reasons. I love Melissa Etheridge, I love that Beverly said this was as close as she'd get to wearing a dress, I love that you can see just how much she loves performing, but most of all, during this performance she was SICK and was starting to lose her voice, but she still knocks it out of the park. WHAT.

For the finale performances each artist was given an original song to sing, and Beverly's was the only one that I actually wanted to listen to again. I think it's partly because I liked the song, but mostly because I LOVED watching her perform it. If it were possible for Beverly to have even more fun performing, she did during the finale. Her rendition of "Beautiful" with Christina was totally tear-worthy, because it finally seemed like Christina was actually a fan of Beverly's, and they were singing about acceptance and loving yourself just as you are and well now I'm just tearing up all over again.

I loved watching The Voice's premiere season, and I'll probably watch season two, but I'm not sure anyone can live up to Beverly McClellan's enthusiasm, talent, and sheer joy at sharing her gift with others. I'll leave you with an interview Beverly did before tonight's finale that made my heart grinch. I was going to point out the highlights, but the whole thing is great. BEVERLY is great, and I can't wait to buy her album.

Meet My Roommate

The NJ Housewives And I Are THICK AS THEIVES

This season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey is almost TOO good, if that's even possible. I'm so addicted, I wish it were on every night like Degrassi is in the summer. Seriously, bringing in Teresa's sister-in-law and cousin was, in my opinion, the greatest thing to happen in Bravo history (it's actually pushed Being Bobby Brown out of my top spot, it's that good). I'd like to talk about a few of the reasons why RHoNJ Season 3 has stolen my heart.

1. Kathy Walike

I'm pretty sure Kathy is now my new favorite housewife of any city, any season. I mean, obviously Caroline is the one I would want to actually have in my life, but Kathy is the one I like to watch from my couch and cackle at. Kathy is Teresa's first cousin, and it's explained in the show that she basically grew up alongside Teresa and her brother Joe, and is very close with them. Teresa and Joe are now estranged, and Kathy is on Team Joe and Melissa, but likes to talk about how devastated she is about how the family is falling apart. The main thing I like about Kathy are her talking head pieces, where she really gets to shine.

There's one where she goes on forever about how she loves to cook because (and I'm paraphrasing here), "Cooking is like, sustenance. It's... you're nourishing people, and feeding them. You're giving them something that keeps them alive. You're making something with your hands, and that feeds people's bodies..."

Another gem: "I look at myself as well taken care of. Spoiled usually has a bad connotation. Like, when you see spoiled fruit, you wanna throw it away."

If that's not enough, this man is her husband:

He's my second favorite. The unbuttoned shirts! The Jesus piece! The gay stylist glasses! Richie Walike is the whole package.

2. Teresa's Jungle Cat Growl

Teresa Giudice possesses many voices. There's the calm, normal Teresa voice. Then if she's disagreeing with you her voice gets a little bit tense, a little grittier. But you better not mention her family, because then she will unleash what I have dubbed her "Jungle Cat Growl."

We first got a peek during the Season 2 reunion when Danielle took things a step too far. (The good stuff starts at the 3:00 mark)

We get another peek at Teresa's wild side when Kathy says she had to wheel little Audriana out of harm's way during the Christening Party Throwdown.

Sadly, it's not as big of a blow up, but we still get a little peek of crazy, capable-of-flipping-a-table Teresa (Starting at 2:15). My favorite part was when Teresa tries to get some backup from her mom and she says, "Dissa yo cousin you shudda be shama yoself!" Mama Antonia has clearly been to the Caroline Manzo school of parenting.

3. Finally, The Joe Shortage Can End
Men featured this season who are named or go by some version of Joe:
Teresa's husband
Teresa's brother
Joe Gorga's son
Kathy's son

Yes, all those people are directly related to one another. Sheesh.

4. New Catchphrases!
During the opening credits of each Real Housewives series, we meet each housewife and they get to say a little quip about themselves. I've always wondered if the women get to come up with these themselves or have any input, or if they're completely invented by a producer. I only wonder because all too often these little soundbites make the women look completely ridiculous. Let's analyze the ladies' new speeches, shall we?

Caroline
"Life is about change, sometimes you just have to roll with the punches."

This is clearly in reference to Caroline's empty nest syndrome, which she's been dealing with for THREE SEASONS. To be fair, it's only now that her two sons are actually moving out. Still, for the viewer, watching Caroline get teary about how she no longer has to do laundry all day got a little old two years ago. But! It looks like this season we'll actually get to see her DO something about her newfound free time, so good for her.

Teresa

"I'm a Jersey girl, no one can knock me down."

Being from New Jersey has nothing to do with being volatile (let's just admit that's what she means). Being the housewife most likely to have mob ties that's also part jungle cat? THAT makes you hard to knock down.

Jacqueline

"I can hold my own; I AM my own person"

I'm guessing this is in reference to Ashley walking all over her? I see no change. Jacqueline is acting like Chris tricked her into letting Ashley get a car, but then Jacqueline co-signed for it! And then they said that if Ashley acted like a little shit (which she obvs will) they would return the car. If Ashley misses her car payments won't that just leave Jacqueline with a car to pay for? Ashley is a mess and it hurts to watch her interact with Jacqueline and Chris. I get the feeling that Jacqueline is trying to start over with her boys, and I say go with God, gurlfren.

Melissa

"I have a life that most girls only dream of"

Melissa is delusional. Even so, she's so much more tolerable than Danielle and, dare I say it, entertaining. She clearly is playing to the cameras, but at least she doesn't whore herself out and then pretend she was taken advantage of. If there's one thing we can be sure of about Melissa, she's certainly not shy.

Kathy

"People say that I'm sweet... But I'm tough, so don't cross me."

I think I've already established that Kathy is ridiculous. And that I love her madly.

5. WENCH!

Melissa, it turns out, has a passion for singing. It's clear this is going to be a big part of this season, with Melissa seriously pursuing a singing career. Melissa isn't a great singer, but it's not going to be terrible watching her sing throughout the show. I mean, she's definitely the best "singer" to come out of the Real Housewives franchise, if that's worth anything (it isn't).

Anyway, Melissa is putzing around her livingroom-sized closet singing "Amazing Grace" when, clear as a bell, she sings, "...that saved a WENCH like me..."

And just like that, my approval rating of Melissa, and in fact, RHoNJ season 3, went up about a bajillion points.

6. The Moral
Every season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey really only has one message, one kernel of truth that remains through every fight, every re-casting, every Posche fashion show. DON'T FUCK WITH CAROLINE MANZO.

"I heard you don't wash your face before bed. FIX IT, okay?"

Two Great Things Kids Have Said Lately

Sometimes I think the perks of being a nanny are better than the perks of being an actual parent. Case in point: I get to talk to a wide variety of kids, thereby hearing a wide variety of bug-nuts-hilarious stuff. I write them all down, naturally. Here are two from the past few weeks that were pretty A+. I think it's also awesome that I was talking about zombies and farts with 3 and 4 year old girls. I'm not sure what wave of feminism their generation will be responsible for, but I'm digging it. 

Kid: What would happen if you ate a zombie? 

Me: I think it would either eat you from the inside out, turn you into a zombie, or just give you a bit of a tummyache. 

Kid: I probably won't eat a zombie. 

Me: So it's easy-peasey lemon squeezy? 

Kid: No, it's hardy marty like a farty. 

Big Ass Book Report: Dystopian Edition

Have you heard? The Rapture is happening today. I don't believe in Jesus, so I'm pretty sure I'll be left behind to fight off zombie hordes and tan under the eternal fires of damnation. If you're like me and believe that God would never reveal his top secret plans to people who homeschool their kids so they don't have to teach them about evolution, then you're in luck! I have compiled a list of some great books to help you ease the pain of losing your dog (all dogs go to heaven, duh) and being stuck on earth with a bunch of cynics and sinners.

A little background: My favorite genre of anything is dystopian - has been as long as I can remember. It probably started when I read The Giver in third grade or whenever. Anyway, dystopias are having a moment, and I am more than thrilled. Not only do I have plenty of media in my favorite genre to choose from, but most of the great dystopian books coming out are for young adults. If I have a second favorite genre it's teenager stuff. Apocalyptic YA fiction?! Bring on the end of the world, because I'm already in heaven.

Matched by Ally Condie

Matched takes place in a world where all decisions are made for you - from your job to who you marry. The Society sorts every person based on their traits and finds their "perfect" life (free of disease, poverty, and limiting their media consumption to 100 approved books and songs), which is then assigned to an individual when they turn seventeen. Cassia Reyes is on the path to becoming another one of the Society's perfect specimens, and when she is waiting for her match to come up on the screen it's her best friend Xander. Yay! Cassia puts her match card into the reader at home expecting to read Xander's bio, which she already knows by heart as they are BFFs, but for a second a different guys picture pops up. Whaaa? So Cassia starts investigating, and learns that the Society is (as if we didn't all see this coming) pretty much evil and oppressive. The next book in the series, Crossed, comes out in November.
Grade: B+

Incarceron by Catherine Fisher

Incarceron is a book full of mystery. So much mystery in fact, that I had a hard time getting into it. The story switches between two worlds, from two different characters' viewpoints. One is Finn, a seventeen year old boy trapped in the massive living prison called Incarceron. The prison is a never ending maze of different sectors and communities - it's basically a world of its own. The people living in Incarceron even have their own pseudo-religious belief system based around Sapphique, a man who, according to legend, escaped Incarceron. The prison, at least in my head, is very Mad Maxian. The setting has elements of both futuristic technology and dirtiness. On the other hand, we follow Claudia, the daughter of Incarceron's warden. Claudia lives in a world that is permanently stuck in the 17th Century. It turns out as technology progressed, it kind of ruined society, so the warden and other rule-makers decided that everyone must observe "protocol," and stop using not just iPods and computers, but cars and electricity. Of course, Finn and Claudia's worlds intertwine and eventually crash head-on into each other. The whole time I was thinking, "Claudia lives in Pride and Prejudice and Finn lives in Mad Max, yet Finn knows nothing of the world outside Incarceron and Claudia has no idea where the prison is! Say what?!" At the end of Incarceron you find out just how the world(s) are structured, and I didn't see it coming at all. The sequel to Incarceron, Sapphique, is out now and in my Kindle waiting to be read. 

Grade: A-  

Bumped by Megan McCafferty

I feel like I waited forever for Bumped to come out, and when I finally had it in my greedy paws I had to force myself to read slowly so that I could savor it. Megan McCafferty is, of course, the author of the Jessica Darling series. If you aren't familiar with Jessica Darling you can stop reading right now, because you're dead to me and, frankly, you're living a half-life anyway. Now that we've got that straight, Bumped takes place in a society where a disease spreads across almost all of the population that leaves women infertile after they turn eighteen. This means that the uteruses of teen girls are in high demand, and society has altered in a way to encourage them to get a-humpin' before they can't be a-bumpin'. We follow Melody and Harmony, identical twin sisters who were separated at birth - Melody living in the world of rent-a-uterus, and Harmony living in a religious compound that thinks Melody's way of live is sinful and wrong. The story unfolds as the two girls meet and slowly reveal that they both want lives different from the ones planned for them. Even though I tried to spread it out, I read this book in like, a day and a half. Now I'm left waiting till next year for the second book in the series, but when your'e waiting for writing this addictive, each day seems like a year.
Grade: A+

Delirium by Lauren Oliver

Imagine a world where love is considered a mental illness. Don't worry if you're having a hard time, you can just read Delirium! Like Matched, in Delirium the key decisions of an individuals are life are decided by a governing body. When teenagers reach age 18 they are given the cure for "deliria," AKA L-O-V-E. Lena is anxiously awaiting her cure date, as she witnessed her own mother become delirious and eventually commit suicide. There are, of course, people who refuse the cure, but they are kept outside the city and are referred to as "invalids." Lena is all set to get her cure and live an emotionless life, but then she meets Alex. I bet you can guess what happens then. They get all mushy for each other and Lena has to deal with her doubts about receiving the cure. To make matters worse, Alex is an invalid. This book is the first in a trilogy, with the next books coming out in 2012 and 2013. Like with Bumped, this is way too fucking long for me to wait. In fact, I was so engrossed with this book that when I turned the last page and realized there was no more, I yelled, "DAMN!" Really. 

Grade: A+

Divergent by Veronica Roth

These reviews are starting to get a little gushy, but this is my last one, I promise. I actually pre-ordered Divergent based solely on reading a synopsis on Amazon. And then I read it in a day. And again, I'm waiting impatiently for the next book so I may continue the story. In dystopian Chicago, there are separate factions of people based on specific ideals. Here's the breakdown of the groups from Amazon: Candor (the honest), Abnegation (the selfless), Dauntless (the brave), Amity (the peaceful), and Erudite (the intelligent). Beatrice is in Abnegation, but when it's time for her to take a test that determines what faction her personality fits best, Beatrice's results are inconclusive. She's equally suited for Abnegation and Dauntless. She could choose to stay with her family, in a community she's never felt comfortable in, or take a leap (literally) and adopt a completely new lifestyle (and leaving her family behind). Did I mention hardly anyone, EVER gets inconclusive results on their test? Beatrice is told not to tell anyone that she's divergent (the name for those with two compatible factions), but she doesn't know why it's thought to be so bad. I loved reading this book so much that I put it back on my reading list once I finished. Because of that I don't want to give too many plot points away, because it was so exciting to experience them without knowing anything about the story. I also loved how Chicago monuments and geography was weaved into the story. Knowing the setting of the book personally made it easier to visualize how the city is divided into completely separate factions. The only downside is that now every time I drive by the John Hancock Building I'm going to have the urge to bungee jump off the roof. If you loved The Hunger Games, you NEED to read this book (and subsequent books in the series).
Grade: A++

Other post-apocalyptic YA literature to consider
The Maze Runner Trilogy by James Dashner (read my book report here!)
The City of Ember (a large series, of which I've only read the first book) by Jeanne DuPrau
The Forest of Hands and Teeth (there are sequels, but I've only read the first book) by Carrie Ryan
The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins (I shouldn't have to mention this, really. It's essential reading for every person on Earth)
The Uglies Series by Scott Westerfeld
The Enemy (sequel is out in the UK but not here till June) by Charlie Higson (read my book report here!)

In Which I Use An Inordinate Amount of Poophemisms

I'm in my 20s, so I spend about 18 hours a day wasting time on the Internet. This differs from people in their 30s who spend approximately 12 hours a day wasting time on the Internet. After all, someday we all become grown ups and realize we have responsibilities.

I like to spend my Internet time finding weird stuff, because that's where my interests lie. I read a great cryptozoology website called Cryptomundo, for instance. I also like to browse online shops and Etsy stores for taxidermy and portraits of Boston Terriers, and shop for fossilized dinosaur poop on eBay. 

I believe my extensive research has made me the perfect personal shopper. Just come to me and I will tell you what you need to make your life less mundane and more entertaining. No matter who you are, or where your interests lie, this is THE product you need to have.  

Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker, $24

via JapanTrendShop.com

I have a friend who, when entering a public restroom and noticing a person is in a stall keeping very quiet, yells, "I'M SORRY!" and races out of the there like the Roadrunner. She is probably slowly damaging her own kidneys because of her obsessive need to give people peace when they're trying to poop in a public toilet. 

I think it's safe to say that we've all been in a public restroom that's eerily quiet, and we're apprehensive to (in the words of the immortal Whitney Houston) "Drop it on the one." I talk about poop constantly, and even I sometimes get poo shy. I think we've all pulled the "wait for someone else to flush, then drop that deuce before someone can hear the plop." (Remind me to copyright that.) But what if no one's flushing and you've got to do the doo?!

Japan has provided us with the solution. The Eco-Otome Toilet Sound Blocker is a keychain-sized device with a button that, when pushed, makes the sound of a toilet flushing. I can't even tell you how genius this is. Now you don't have to wait for someone else to flush before you can poo, and you don't have to waste water by flushing your own commode every time you need a little white noise to cover your brown noise (Yep. I took it too far that time. I'm somewhat sorry). The product even comes in a "Save the Earth" design, so you can look superior to other poopers!

A Japanese Commercial, That Sadly Features Zero Asians

I have watched this commercial for the Tower of Terror ride at Tokyo DisneySea about five times. Not because it's an exceptionally interesting or entertaining commercial. I just love the voice that says, "TOWER OF TERROR!" at the end. It's really worth watching this one minute video for those few seconds of awesome voiceover work.

Tokyo Disney and Tokyo DisneySea are currently closed because of earthquake damage. (I kind of assume all of Japan is closed, but I'm a stupid American.) My prayers are with you, Tokyo branch of the Disney Park empire. Toyko DisneySea is the number one theme park I want to visit someday. Seriously. Google it. It looks fucking boss.

Bedridden Book Report: Fire

I was going to write a few more book reviews before I got to Kristin Cashore's second novel, and companion to my first reviewed book, Graceling. However, my mom is stuck at an airport with Graceling on her iPad (because of my sparkling review, natch) and has been texting me about it, and it got me excited about these books all over again. So we now head back to the world of Graceling, and it's sister-book, Fire.

Fire by Kristen Cashore

I wrote a review of Kristin Cashore's first novel, Graceling, just two posts ago. If you read that, you a;ready know that I want to live in that book, marry it, and make everyone read it and love it as much as I do. I had an only slightly more mild reaction to Fire, but I still really loved it and got so emotionally invested. Review spoiler alert: I cried a, uh.... fair amount while reading Fire.

Let's start with a little plot summary. Fire is not a sequel to Graceling, it's a companion book. Basically, Fire takes place in the same "world" as Graceling, but over a mountain range to the east in a land called The Dells. The Dells differ from the world of Graceling in one big way: There are no gracelings. Instead, The Dells have monsters; normal animals in basic structure, but with crazy colored fur, feathers, and skin. Oh, and they're all predatory beasts with a thirst for human blood. The people of The Dells have had to adapt to having purple and turquoise leopards coming after them in the forest and polka-dotted raptors swooping down to snatch their babies. And to make things even worse, the monsters are somewhat "graced" in that they charm people with their beauty, luring them out into the open. People become convinced that they must be as close as possible to the beauty of the monsters, and end up getting all kinds of messed up by those sneaky beasts. Needless to say, people are terrified of monsters. 

Which is too bad for our main character, Fire, who is the one and only human monster. So how do monster qualities translate to humans? Well in the case of Fire, she is so strikingly beautiful and alluring that if she goes out in public she must cover her hair and dress in mens' clothing - and she STILL gets all kinds of unsolicited attention. Fire's most beautiful quality, and her namesake, is her hair. It's this crazy mess of red curls, with highlights of gold, orange, and even pink. If she takes off her headscarf it is literal pandemonium, from both people and the animal monsters. Fire can also read people's minds, and control their minds and make them do whatever she wants.

When we meet Fire she lives alone on her own estate, but she is just down the road from her best friend/sometimes lovah Archer, and his father (and a surrogate father of sorts to Fire). Fire's own father Cansrel is dead (the circumstances behind his death are sketchy at best, and it's pretty easy to figure out that mystery, making the big reveal kind of lackluster). Fire's dad was a real asshole, and a monster himself. The bummer about monsters is that no matter who they have a baby with, that baby is coming out 100% monster. Cansrel was an advisor to King Nax, and with Nax's nastiness plus Cansrel's passion for using his monster powers for evil, they made The Dells a pretty shitty kingdom to live in. 

Fire is determined not to end up like her father, and she hardly ever uses her powers of mind control and insists on staying as covered up as possible at all times. 

At the start of the book Nax and Cansrel are dead, and now the kingdom is ruled by Nax's son Nash. Nash is kind of a boob, but he's a harmless. There are also three other royal offspring: Brigan and twins Clara and Garan. There's a complicated mess of a family tree with all these kids, but frankly it's irrelevant to my review. 

The kingdom is in a bit of a sorry state, and Fire is called to the castle to use her monster powers to get information out of people, in a hope to aid the army and control any uprisings. She ends up traveling to the castle with Brigan, who is the commander of the King's army. Brigan is a god among his soldiers, and they would all be willing to die for him in battle, or, frankly, in any circumstances.

So Fire is off with Brigan, and her booty call Archer is back in the country. In a total Lizzie Bennet/Mr. Darcy turn of events, Fire and Brigan start off all standoffish and eventually fall for each other. Don't worry about Archer, though. He's a total womanizer and makes his way around women's beds like he's some kind of Clooney.

Like I did with the Graceling review, I'm not going to go into too much more plot detail. Cashore is an expert with  elaborate webs of storylines, and I truly think it's more enjoyable to just start reading and get sucked into her addictive world. Spoiler avoiding advice: Don't look up Fire on Wikipedia. They give away EVERYTHING.

I mentioned before that I had a real emotional reaction to this book, and I'd like to touch on that. A big chunk of the book focuses on periods, fertility, and overall womanhood. I mentioned in the Graceling review that Cashore is a great new feminist voice? Well in Fire she makes that voice even louder. Another aspect of Fire's monsterdom is that her powers are significantly multiplied when she's on the rag. She has to walk around with a literal wall of bodyguards around her, or just stay in the house and avoid society altogether. She's also constantly worried about procreating. Fire loves children and wants so badly to have a child of her own, but like I said, no matter what that kid is coming out a monster. Fire despises her monster life, and can't imagine giving that same life to another being, not to mention that she worries the kid would turn out to be evil like her own father. 

Fire sees two women very close to her get pregnant (involving some seriously soapy drama), and she is almost completely consumed by jealousy toward them. And yet, she is terrified of becoming pregnant herself, and eventually takes some herbs that make her infertile, which is a relief to her, but also completely heartbreaking. Did I mention that while Fire has to deal with all this heavy stuff, she's only 17?! Jesus H. Macy, that's intense. And it made me cry. A lot.

Because of my own illness, I've had to deal with worrying about fertility and babies since I was 19 - WAY too young to have to deal with those kinds of issues. While reading about Fire's struggles I cried like, gallons of tears on my book and was all, "I KNOW, Fire! I KNOW HOW IT FEEEELS!" It really got to me on a deep, personal, emotional level, and it made me fall even more in love with Kristin Cashore. The way she writes about young women is so honest and not-very-precedented that, again, I want to shout her name from the rooftops and force all young women to read both Fire and Graceling.

Graceling made me want to marry it, and Fire is a wonderful companion book, but while Graceling is is exciting and full of adventure, Fire is more subdued, more character driven. They make beautiful companions, and I cannot recommend both of them highly enough (or did you not get that from my love-crazed rambling reviews?)

Overall Grade: A

Bedridden Book Report: Graceling

While I was recovering from surgery I read. A LOT. I figured it out, and I averaged one and a half books per day while I was recovering. Also, when you're bedridden, you have the kind of time to average out how many books a day you read. I read mostly YA fiction, because it took less concentration (my brain was pretty loopy) and because HELLO! It's just more fun. I thought I'd review some of my favorite books here for you all, so consider this the first in a series of however many I write. 

Graceling by Kristin Cashore

Do you ever read a book, and get so into the story and characters and setting that you just want to crawl inside the book and live in it? I was like that with Graceling, and after reading the whole book in one sitting, I swear I went through withdrawal. I needed more! I wanted to go back in time and read it again for the first time, to experience the excitement, suspense, and ass-kicking all over again. Okay, with that out of the way, let me tell you what the book is about.

Graceling takes place in an alternate world with seven kingdoms, each with their own royalty and rules and traditions. Because of the alternaverse setting, there's not really a time period given, but it is basically like medieval times. Here's another plus for the book: I'm SO not into medieval shit. I'm the last person to read books with lords and ladies and once a month baths, and yet I want to turn this book into a suit so I can live in it every day. In this world, every once in awhile there is a person who is "graced," which means that they are incredibly talented in one area. Graces range from being really awesome and useful (cooking, singing, mind reading) to lame (spelling, always knowing what time it is without looking at a clock, etc). All gracelings can be identified by their two different colored eyes, and because in most kingdoms, all gracelings are sent to the king for his own personal use, parents dread their child one day developing Kate Bosworth eyes.

Katsa, the main character and a total badass, is the niece of King Randa, and her grace is (gasp!) killing. FOR REAL. Katsa is Sydney Bristow, Buffy, and Lizzie Bennet all rolled into one. So Randa is a mean, unforgiving king, and he sends Katsa all over his kingdom to kick the shit out of anyone who so much as makes him wrinkle his nose. It's pretty stressful being a killing machine, and being seen as ONLY a killing machine, as Katsa is. She's actually famous in all seven kingdoms for her expertise. Katsa tries to combat her evildoing and use her powers for good by founding a secret society that goes around undermining the evil king's dastardly plans.

Okay, here's the part where I'm going to get vague, because I don't want to spoil anything (you do NOT want spoilers, believe me). Katsa ends up going on a mission (not King Randa approved) to rescue the father of the King of Leinid (one of the seven kingdoms), and while on this mission she encounters another Graceling, the Leinid Prince Po. Po is out to avenge his grandfather, and Katsa, being the one who rescued him, is the first person he goes to.

Remember how Katsa is graced with killing? Well Po is graced with fighting, so the two of them are incredibly happy to find someone to train with who they can actually fight. The fight scenes between these two are so awesome, and it's great how they help each other not only become better fighters, but better Gracelings. Mini-spoiler! There's more to Katsa and Po's graces than just killing and fighing.

So the two of them set off to find answers, and it's way more than they ever expected. I really think it's better to read the book without knowing what happens in the second half, so I'm going to leave the rest of the book out of my review. Let me just say, I yelled out loud, cried, practically peed my pants, and ran three whole gamuts of emotion while reading this book.

Also, Katsa is so motherfucking awesome I cannot even get over it. I would even say she's more hardcore than Katniss. YES I DID JUST WRITE THAT. I love her so much. I could write a whole gender studies thesis on how Katsa is one of the greatest role models for young girls in the last 20 years of literature. In fact, if I had read this book while I was in school, I probably would have.

Overall Grade: A+

My Blessed Jewel Shone At The Emmys

You guys. I can't even begin to tell you the kvetch-fest that was happening in my mom's living room when No Face sauntered down the red carpet Sunday night. I had to put my head between my knees, close my eyes and think of England, because OH MY GOD. Just in case you need a refresher before we get down to business:

So that's the full scope of what we're working with. It's Atelier Versace. We know from past research that JJ and Donatella are superclose, so can we assume that this is what Donatella meant when she said that she could interpret No Face's dreams? I give you pull-quote proof from my favorite interview of all time:

Donatella: You just call me. Anything you need, if you have an idea, you just call.
No Face: I'll be calling you all the time! Sometimes I dream about what I'd like to wear...
Donatella: I can interpret your dream.

Now let's get down to the nitty gritty details. THAT DRESS! It looks like something a Project Runway contestant would make out of plastic party cups in a frat house challenge. And when you're wearing what Tim Gunn would call "A whole lotta look," do you really need to add a TRAIN? And one that looks like it weighs 15 pounds and was originally part of the packaging for your Ikea bookcase? And let's talk about the shoes, since we're already on the ground.

Maybe she's wearing those clomper shoes in case she has to make a run for it and Bobby Flay is all the way over in the cheap seats? Look, the shoes are simple and lovely if say, you're due in court. But for one, this is the fucking Emmys, and B, at said Emmys, why would you elect to look like an Amish hooker? Unless of course No Face is researching a role for a Lifetime Movie where she plays an Amish Hooker, in which case I CANNOT WAIT.

I could have waited for JJ to get her hair did before she walked the red carpet, however. Maybe she's trying to frame her non-face in something memorable? Gurl, you still have no face, just with bogus hair. It's not like there's not a whole section of Sephora dedicated to dealing with this exact problem. Look, Faceless, I know you want to bring the crazy to make me happy, but you can use a comb. I'll forgive un-crazed hair for the Emmys. And you were nominated! That means you need to Step Up 2 Tha Streets, hair-wise.

So put all that mess together and what to we get?

No Face, My Blessed Jewel, in all her glory.

God, I love her brand of crazy.

Is It a Parody If It's Ear Candy Too?

Sometimes songs come along that are totally awesome. And totally ridiculous. But when those songs also get stuck in you head, and you end up playing them on your iPhone at your friend's wedding (see me and Sadie at our friend Justin's Wedding, jamming to "Faggoty Attention"), does that negate the "humor" aspect? We live in an age where The Lonely Island are Grammy nominees, and the line between Weird Al and say, Lady Gaga is pretty blurry. Anyway, while you ponder that, here are two great songs/videos that need to be in your life - whether as comedy or as your new fave jamz.

Somebody! Quick!

... buy me this shirt.

The Miracle Chair

I've mentioned in passing on this webbbbblog (because when people say the whole word it sounds like it has about 5,000 B's) that I have the crippling affliction known as endometriosis. I have little parasitic implants growing on my insides, and my left ovary is a complete piece of shit. My main symptom is pain in my low back that is sometimes so bad I have to crawl from room to room. And that last part is not an exaggeration. If it weren't for me dragging myself across the floor, I'd never know about the dust bunny love ranch that has formed under my bed.

I've tried so many things to keep pain from taking over my life. I've been on a steady diet of prescription narcotics for years. I keep a heating pad next to my bed. I've taken special yoga classes for women with endometriosis. I contort myself into Cirque du Soleil worthy poses in an attempt to find a position that feels comfortable, but each day I'm in at least some pain. That is, until Sadie and I went to Sweden and I experienced The Miracle Chair.

The apartment we had in Sweden was modest, compared to our digs last summer. We were only there for five days though, so it's not like we needed anything more than a bed and a shower. Little did we know that the chair in our cheaply decorated room was the equivalent of a kiss from the Baby Jesus in terms of back pain relief. I sat in the Miracle Chair and BAM! Pain. Gone. Seriously, if Sadie sat in the chair I would growl at her until she got up and let me have some private time with my new lover. I swore upon leaving that I would get that chair for my own home, and once I had it in my greedy clutches I'd never let it go. 

As I'm sure you've noticed by now, when I get obsessed with something, there's no shutting me up until I make it mine. And so I lusted for what I had by then dubbed "The Miracle Chair," for about a month after I got back from Europe. I knew that it was from Ikea and I trolled the website looking at all the different varieties of Poang chairs until I found the perfect combination for me. Behold!

Son of a mother that's a nice chair. I have the matching ottoman too, because really, what's a miracle chair without a miracle ottoman?

The Miracle Chair is molded in such a way that it curves into your lower back, and then sort of bends until you're in the perfect relaxation position. One afternoon I spent five straight hours in The Miracle Chair watching a Ru Paul's Drag Race marathon. And I felt no pain the entire time! I can't really express to my dear readers what it's like to live with constant pain, but when you find something that gets rid of it, you get addicted to that shit real fast. Which is why The Miracle Chair is better than say, Vicodin. There's a new Swedish love machine in town, and I'm not talking about ASkars.

To Flush Or Not To Flush?

In my last post I mentioned that, in my opinion, only a cuckoo would throw a used tampon in the trash as opposed to flushing it. It has been brought to my attention that apparently it is a terrible idea to flush tampons, as they clog the pipes and lead to mass destruction, plague, etc. I called bullshit on this theory at first, but my opponent had a good argument and my interest was peaked. Because of this revelation, I spent a good chunk of this evening researching the conundrum of whether we bleedin' ladies should flush or not. 

Turns out: NO ONE KNOWS. 

It's pretty much the consensus that if you're flushing into a septic tank you're going to jack it up with your lady business, but the jury is out on other types of plumbing situations. And to be fair, it does say on the tampon directions that you should dispose of tampons through flushing.  There's a lot of info out there, but the only concrete conclusion I can fully commit to is that there are some people out there who are passionate about the anti-tampon-flush crusade, and there are many who, like me, had no idea there was an issue with flushing tampons. I'd recommend doing some reading here (the most interesting/entertaining commentary I found). That is, if you're as interested in period politics as I am. 

Alright. I Give In.

My beloved Macbook Pro is a real workhorse. I'm a young person, so according to Dateline I spend 19 hours a day on my laptop, which I'd say is a conservative estimate. Because of this, even though my computer is only about three years old, it's on it's last legs. Sometimes it chokes up when I'm just trying to watch a movie on The Netflix. I was planning on getting a new laptop from the parental units this summer, but I'm using that money to go on the BEST VACATION EVER with Sadie-Poo.

So I'm going on a fantastic European adventure with my bro from another ho (including a trip to Krakow, AKA The Motherland, where I will surely be mistaken for a local), but I have to suffer through possibly another six months or more of a computer that can barely handle having more than one Word document open at a time.

Until I came up with a solution. The iPad.

I know, we've all made fun of it for months, but have you looked at what those things can do? THEY'RE FUCKING MAGICAL. My idea is that for about half the price of a new laptop I could get an iPad and use this old clunker for word processing, blogging, and my iTunes library. Basically I use my laptop for hanging out on the Internet, watching movies, and playing mind-numbing games. I can do all these things on the iPad, but I can also carry it all over the place in my bag, put books on it to read on planes, in waiting rooms, etc, and Mr. DeNiro can't mess it up by stepping on my keyboard while I'm using it in bed. WIN WIN WIN.

As with all ideas I have, now that I've convinced myself that this is a good plan, I want to execute it yesterday. I'm still doing a little research on which model of iPad I want/can afford, but you know I'll keep you, my adoring fans, posted.

Playlist Porn

Since getting an iPhone I pretty much use that as my iPod, and use my old video iPod in my car. I have a Scion XD, which features a handy little iPod hookup, so the whole thing works out nicely and there aren't wires hanging everywhere and I have to worry about setting the radio to 88.7 or whatever to make the iPod work. I cannot express how much I value having a built in iPod adapter in my car. After driving three cars with various accoutrements for iPod play getting all tangled and broken, the iPod adapter I have in my Scion is fucking glorious.

So I have what, 5,000 songs to choose from while I'm cruising around? I typically put my whole music library on shuffle and leave the iPod plugged in all the time, but even then I've only ever gone through like, 2,000 songs, max. Plus, sometimes I'm in a very specific mood, and when I'm in a mood and shuffle is not cooperating with said mood, you better watch out. I'm serious, People of the Roads, you better not hope I'm in a Bob Marley mood when Wolfmother comes on because I may just make AN ILLEGAL RIGHT TURN ON RED.

Lately though, I haven't been victim to the iPod Shuffle Kerfuffle, because I've been listening to the same playlist EVERY TIME I drive anywhere. A little over a month ago it was one of my kiddo's birthdays, and this kid absolutely loves to have dance parties. Naturally I made her a mix CD of kickass dance tunes, and even created a CD cover that is, frankly, mindblowingly awesome. I normally put a lot of work into mix CDs, and this one is one of my greatest creations yet. Sadly, my computer is an old hag and refused to burn a CD, so the playlist has been living solely on my iPod and phone. The birthday girl didn't get to dance to the best CD of all time on her third birthday, but at least we get to jam out to the playlist in the car. Plus, I get to share my genius with you, my adoring public. I recommend you make a playlist of all these songs for your own enjoyment - it will change your life in the most badass, awesome, hyperbolic way.

1. Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
2. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go - Wham!
3. I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do, I Do - ABBA
4. Jump (For My Love) - The Pointer Sisters
5. Crocodile Rock - Elton John
6. Rockin' Robin - Bobby Day
7. Magic Dance - David Bowie
8. Atomic Dog - George Clinton
9. I Wanna Dance With Somebody - Whitney Houston
10. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson
11. Everybody's Gonna Be Happy - The Kinks
12. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Otis Redding
13. Three Little Birds - Bob Marley
14. ABC - The Jackson 5
15. Golden Years - David Bowie
16. American Girl - Tom Petty
17. Loves Me Like a Rock - Paul Simon
18. Happy Birthday - Stevie Wonder