1. Urban Decay 24/7 Super Stash Eyeliner Set $36.00 These are the greatest eyeliners I have ever used. I was on the hunt for some good eyeliner for like, eons, and once I discovered Urban Decay's 24/7 eyeliner I never looked back. This is a set of all the best colors, and I guarantee you will love them all. They smudge just how you want them to - but ONLY when you want them to. I'm asking Santa for these, definitely.
2. American Apparel Vinyl Laptop Bag $34.00 I'm pretty sure I need this laptop bag, even though I have probably four different bags perfectly suited for toting my laptop. The colors are so great too, and I'm having a hard time deciding which one I like the best. And look, American Apparel is misogynistic and full of coke whores, but their stuff is nice, you guys.
3. Timex T Series 3 Hand Men's Wristwatch $80.00 If a lady is going to wear a watch, I think it's infinitely more chic if it's a man's watch. I like this one because it's simple and no-nonsense, but it's also really big and I think it will make a lady look like a smarty-pants. You know, like the cool college professor who wears cute Anthropologie cardigans and a large men's watch, and makes being a hippie academic look really appealing. Or, you know, I could wear it and pretend I'm that woman.
4. Tim Burton Tragic Thoughts Light Up Journal $15.00 I love little notebooks. I never use a notebook, not really, but I love to leaf through them and buy them for myself or as gifts for others. There's nothing more flattering than getting a journal from someone as a gift - it means they think you have relevant thoughts in your head that are interesting enough to put to paper. This journal is perfect for a somewhat silly writerly person, because it fucking lights up! And it has a creepy drawing on it from the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA, which was (to my despair) closed when I was in New York. With this I can pretend it wasn't.
Octopus Vinyl Laptop Decal $8.00 I'm contemplating getting this when I get my new laptop in a few months. It's no secret that I love cephalopods, particularly giant squids. I also like that this creature is sort of an octopus/squid hybrid, because it looks just like an octo, but it has a long middle tentacle coming out like a squid. It's the best of both worlds!
6. Tiffany & Co Bow Pendant $100.00 I lurve this necklace. I just love bow jewelry in general. I also have a tradition of buying something from Tiff's every time I'm in Vegas, and I'm Christmassing in Vegas this year, so who knows? This could be around my swan-like (psh!) neck sooner than I think.
7. Marc by Marc Jacobs Pretty Printed Tote in Leopard $200.00 So this bag was always one that I really liked, but then my boyfriend Marc went and made it in my favorite color - leopard print - and I was instantly enamored. Bonus: These nylon pieces regularly go on sale at Shopbop. True love at a discount!
8. J. Crew Metallic Wool Ballet Slippers $40.00 or $54.00 Look. You can clomp around the house in your Tasmanian Devil character slippers, you you can look like a fairy princess who has her hair braided by bluebirds every morning. Your choice.
Gap Supersoft Lacy Nightgown $35.00 I was looking for months for a comfy chemise, and even though I knew this one was perfect, I couldn't bear to spend so much on something that I'm going to drool and dream in. Yes, I will spend $300 on a handbag without a second thought, but I get anxious at the thought of spending $35 on sleepwear. Anyway, I finally caved and bought this nightie and I'm completely obsessed with it. And may I just say that "supersoft" is not enough of a superlative to describe this gown's comfiness.
10. Keihl's Soy Milk and Honey Body Polish $28.00 This is my favorite smell of all the smells. It's so delicious that the wonderful alchemists at Keihl's made a lotion to pair with the scrub so that you can envelop yourself in this sweet nectar all day. I'm getting flustered just thinking about it.
11. Terrier Face Ring by VeraMeat $130.00 All of VeraMeat's jewelry is amazing and obsession worthy, but this ring steals my heart because it features Hero's little face! If/when I own this I'm going to spend so much time making goo goo faces at my hand. Talk about adorablog.
This endeth the Gift Guide. Tune in later for more amazing shit, you fucking goofballs.