Girls with Style

Michelle Obama and I share many things in common. Being strong Black women, for example. We both also answered the siren song of a particular pair of earrings, which I shall forevermore refer to as "victory bling."

 

BTDubs, they're from H&M. We keep it real that way.

Yes We Can.

FUCK YES, WE CAN.

#47 of Ways Buffy Changed My Life

I started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer a few weeks ago. For the first time ever. Yeah, that's one bandwagon I never got on. I was sitting by the cult television highway with my thumb sticking out, but when Buffy and Pals offered me a lift I was all "Uh, no? I'm not really into that shit, if you know what I mean. I watch Friends thankyouverymuch."

I took a feminist television class last year and we watched an ep of Buffs, and that was my first exposure to the show ever. Now a year later I'm vegging and I discover that the first two seasons are on Hulu. I'm all, "okay, it's free so there's nada to lose. I'll just watch one epsisode." That one episode turned into the first two seasons. It's probably about three weeks after watching the pilot and I've just started season 4.

How did no one tell me that this show kicks ass? Was there really no coherent person who could explain that Buffy has wit and style and heart? As well as supernatural beasts and fakey fights/effects (my main deterrents)?! This is extremely similar to the Battlestar Gallactica awakening of last year. Lessson? Try anything once! Or just watch geeky TV shows, because they're probably more than just nerdbucket fanfic inspiration.

I keep finding new reasons that I love Buffy though. The main one is probably the amazing, unending wit of the show. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about. The season three episode that was entireley from Xander's perspective? Genius! I also now finally get what all the hooplah about David Boreanaz is about. Have mercy!

But the reason I'm sharing my newfound Buffy love, and the pleasant discoveries it has brought with it, is that fact that I kind of like Seth Green now. Take a minute. Let that simmer.

For real guys, Seth Green! He's sooooo super cute as Willow's sardonic Seth Cohen of the 90s boyfriend. He also gives a totally melt worthy adoration stare that will melt your heart:

I can hardly believe I had all those negative Seth Green feelings bottled up in my cold, dead heart for so long! He's adorablog!

I had so many reasons for irrationally disliking him, including his being three apples tall and that I imagine the way he acted in his cameo on Entourage is his true character. I was so wrong. I'm sorry Seth Green, for forever picturing you looking like this:

My Life as Anime, but with Less Porn

So I'm walking home from school today, and in front of me this wee Asian girl totally decked out in the "gothic and lolita" look.

For those of you who are not famliar with this phenomenon, it is a trend in Japan (and seemingly nowhere else...until today) in which girls dress like human characters from Ann of Green Gables, as illustrated by Edward Gorey. Here's a look:

Newsbreak! It looks like that girl has a peg leg.

Moving on, this girl in front of me was in full on "LoliGoth" mode. She was also wearing red gladiator mary janes. If you are thinking "that's impossible!" you are wrong, but I can totally see how you would think that. She had the ruffles and the petticoats and the white stockings and even a big-ass black hairbow.

I know I have mentioned here that I despise Gwen Stefani, but I'm not some kind of Harajuku Hater. I get that Japanese teens are going to dress all JapanaTrendy and I'm not going to get it because I live in America and I'm xenophobic. But let's just remember for un segundo that I go to school in Middle America. In a town with a population of 40,000. I have also never really seen anyone here dress in a trend other than whatever you call people who listen to My Chemical Romance dress like. A Gothic Lolita on the streets of my hometown is going to stir the pot, no matter what.

I kind of love this girl. She's pretty ballsy. I doubt many people she encountered today knew 'bout her LoliGoth tendencies, yet she wove the flag with pride. I kind of just get obsessed with anyone that does crazy shit, though, so who knows.

Deep Thoughts.

"I'm the Robert Downey Jr. of cookies."
- Cookie Monster

Olympics!

Shawn Johnson, you guys. She's so much cooler than Michael Phelps, but I feel like she's not getting nearly enough attention because of that butter-face in the pool. (Yeah! I said it.)

I just watched my homegurl Shawn kick ass on the balance beam and beat Gumby AKA Nastia for the gold. I honestly have never really cared about the Olympics, especially gymnastics, but Ms. Johnson has somehow warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart.

She's four foot eight, man, which I think is about 85% of the reason why I love her. She's a legal midget! She can get a handicapped parking pass!

AH! She's on with Bob Costas wearing peace sign earrings! She's so adorable I cannot even handle it. And I teared up a little bit when she was on the podium and they started playing the anthem and she was trying SO hard not to cry and her mom was completely melting in the stands. Plus, she's actually 16. OH SNAP!

Paper Planes, Womyn, and My Mom

My mom has been excited about seeing Pineapple Express since forevs. She's so funny. She also called me today and said, "USA Today had a quiz of lines from stoner movies and I didn't know some of them!" I never even knew my mom was into stoner movies. Anyway, M.I.A's song "Paper Planes" is getting a lot of attention for being the song used in the Pineapple Expres's trailer. This is kind of upsetting to longtime M.I.A. fans such as yours truly, because that album came out A YEAR AGO. 

M.I.A. is like a feminist hero. She's like the hip hop queen of women's studies. I'm really happy that she's getting attention, but I also feel bitter because she didn't get this attention so long ago (besides from me, lesbian gangsters, and like, Bust magazine).

I was thinking about the Pineapple Express/M.I.A. fiasco yesterday and I realized that there are a lot of other weed songs (see post below) besides "Paper Planes" that could have been used in the trailer instead, and I realized that it's actually really great that they chose a song by a woman, and a kickass feminist woman at that. So I'm over the backlash and I can't wait to see PE with my moms. This video is dedicated to Mama T:

Smot Poke.

I already posted tonight, but something hilarious just happened and it's too long to put on Twitter so I'm posting AGAIN. But it's funny.

Backstory: The following are text messages between me (eternally inappropriate) and my friend-since-we-were-six Jackie (good Catholic girl), which is the only reason this is funny.S: Have you listened to my [mix] CD? I have a new idea of making a weed playlist. I'm sure that's been done though.
J: I like! You know I heart Weeds [the TV show].
S: I meant WEED. But bless your heart.

Maybe that was only funny to me. But to me it was hilarious . . . I LOLed.

Alyson Stoner

On Sunday my sister from another mister Sadie and I watched Camp Rock. It was terrible, but the one shining beacon of hope was a minor character played by a very talented young lady we referred to as "the dancing girl from those Missy Elliot videos." Remember her?

Good times. Anyway, she was in Camp Rock and didn't even really get to dance! What a joke! Sadie and I both agreed that she needs to have her own empire like Oprah, but with more hip-hop. Turns out she's working on something called "The Alyson Stoner Project," (Alyson Stoner being her name) which is like some kind of dance video thing, but with nice production values. Or something. I'm not sure, because this project is under more wraps than Cloverfield. I do know that no matter what it is, I'm going to Netflix it in a quick minute.

Okay, I was looking for another video, and it looks like our girl Alyson is dating Taylor Lautner, who is playing Jacob Black in the Twilight movie. It's like God looked into my soul and made the world of my dreams.

Lady Love

Can I just talk for a sec about how hot I think Stephenie Meyer is? Hah. Like I even have to ask your permission.

Okay, so I'm totally gay for Twilight in the most dorky, unapologetic way, but the thing that I keep advertising is that the author is smoking HOT and no one seems to notice. I first read about Mizz Meyer in Time, which I only read because my parents have a free subscription that they don't use so they give it to me. And I'm in love with Joel Stein, but I digress. So Stephenie Meyer was featured in Time in this article that's basically like every article about her. Mainly: 1. She is Mormon. 2. She is a housewife. 3. She is a Mormon housewife.

Yeah, I get it.

What no one seems to mention is that she's so beautiful. Stunning, even. Plus, she's into fetishy stuff like vampires, which you would think would bring her sexy side to the table. She also listens to My Chemical Romance, but I pretend that's not true. I'm strangely bothered by why no articles never mention her fantastic amounts of pretty, and I have a theory!

Usually in magazine (and sometimes newspaper) articles, the first paragraph features something along the lines of, "her porcelain skin with delicate features," or, "his square jaw and soulful eyes." Basically, you are introduced to the subject of the article with a description of their beauty. Readers are introduced to Stephenie Meyer by finding out that she is a Mormon. Housewife. A Mormon housewife.

Does a single writer believe that Mormons can be attractive? Or even remotely sexy? Or sexual? Is it completely pertinent that a reader (and potential reader of Meyer's) know that she is Mormon and therefore off limits in terms of physical attention?! Is being Mormon somehow equivalent to being closer to God than an average religious person, and therefore bestows said Mormon with unlimited virtue?! I THINK NOT.

Women are constantly led by feminists to believe that they are never to be objectified, and that they cannot be seen as physically attractive, because that will undermine their intellect and lead them to become (gasp!) objectified housewives or sluts or whatever. But you know? I think it's OKAY to be noticed for your looks or your clothes or your fantastic singing voice or something else "superficial." Because usually that's just part of what makes you so frakking awesome. Stephenie Meyer is a fox, sure, but she's also a great writer who sucked (ha!) me into her vamp YA novels and is now casting another spell on me with The Host. Oh, and she's a Mormon. Housewife. A Mormon housewife.

I Like my Vamps Soapy

Have I mentioned that I love vampires? I thought it was just a phase I was going though, but now, on further inspection of my soul, I have realized that it was actually an awakening.

I'm going to hope that you've been watching Moonlight on CBS, but if you haven't you can just wait for the DVD like all the other non-committal losers out there. I started watching this soapy tale of 30-but-really-80 year old private eye Mick St. John as kind of a goofy, guilty pleasure. This was near the beginning of the vamp phase, when I thought it was actually a phase, and I would sheepishly avoid mentioning anyone that I watched Moonlight, let alone had a TiVo Season Pass.

Now I'm like the number one Moonlight spokesperson, without any irony whatsoever. I actually watch the TV like I'm looking at the first transmission from the moon or something like that. I will squeal when Mick says something romancy to Beth. AND, the other week Logan Echolls and Mick had a totally gay vamp-turning scene, but it wasn't even groan inducing (haha) bad like every single episode of Supernatural. Now THAT is TV magic.And while I do believe scientists should study, as I have wondered, "How is this show not completely gay?!" I also think, gay or not, that Moonlight is a legit show. For fans of prime time soaps and bloodsucking.

But you know, some people are more literary. Some like to cuddle up with their Slanket and a good book. Well I have found a vampy loophole in that one too!! Stephenie Meyer's Twilight "saga" is totally my Harry Potter. Explanation: You know how people get all spazzed out about Harry Potter? They're like "OMG I love Cedric Diggory! Expecto Patronum!" Well Twilight makes me into just as much of a queerball as HP makes them.
I just started reading Twilight, the first novel in the series, on Sunday. It's now Tuesday afternoon and I'm almost halfway done with the third. I read an article in Time about Stephenie Meyer, and she's so rad. She's a professional mom from Arizona who dreamed the story of Edward and Bella (21st Century tween's version of Jack and Rose, I guess). Um. Best. Dream. Ever.

Also, because she's Mormon, and because this is technically a young adult book series, there's no kinky vampire sex. BUT that's totally okay, because Meyer has made her characters so intense and sexy by actually NOT having them have sex or even kiss with their mouths open. It's so Jane Austen!

And there's going to be a Twilight movie coming out on December 12! I'm gonna lose my shit over that one.
Um, I was just searching for an image to add to this and I found out that the teaser trailer for the Twilight movie is up. Go here.

Oh my God. I'm kvetching. Too much to continue.

RIP, Huck

Brad Renfro: No longer of this world.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas, meanwhile, is trying to stay focused on remembering the good times, like their 1995 Tom and Huck bromance.

As am I, JTT, as am I.

My Life as a Geeky Lesbian

I was babysitting the other night for an semi-infant, which usually consists of him sleeping upstairs while I watch Family Guy with the dog downstairs. Ben (the dog) and I have become quite close. Every time I see Baby though, it's like a first meeting, even though I'm in his house once a week. Ben likes to sleep under my feet when I'm curled up on the couch. It melts my heart.Anyway, I was babysitting the other night, and Ben and I were listening to a Neko Case concert on NPR. It was all very calming and lovely. Neko (I feel like we're on a first name basis because I want to marry her) was talking about how she watches Battlestar Gallactica. I have often used the word frak, and I'm interested in cult-like geeky stuff to some extent, but I have never watched BSG. I'm not that nerdy. That's like 23 year old virgin playing video games on their computer with a headset on nerdy. But if it's good enough for Neko Case, it's mos def good enough for me. I mean, look how awesome and pretty she is:I'm so in love with her. Like to the point where I can never actually meet her because I would just clam up and drool or say something stupid like, "I listened to you the other day live with Ben, who's a dog, and it was so like, fucking zen and your lyrics are so meaningful and do you want to maybe travel around the world with me or something because I think we could be BFFs?"

So the next day, which was Friday, which was also yesterday, I decided to pretend to be "sick" as an excuse to lie in bed under quilts and watch TV on DVD on my computer. What did I watch, you ask? What do you fucking think?! Battlestar!
I'm such a gaywad-geekbucket. But at least my girlfriend and I will have something to talk about when we're on the Transiberian Railroad.

Her Name's Not Krindy, Gob

Have you seen the new Gap ads for winter/Christmas/whatever? Because I actually really like them. They're definitely better than than those ohsoserious ads with Sarah Silverman and Lucy Liu looking like they're curing AIDS with fashion. It's the fucking Gap, guys. The company that used swing dancing to sell khakis. Stick to what you're good at.

Which Gappers did with these adorable ads featuring supercouple Will Arnett and Amy Poehler. I was at the Michigan Ave Gap yesterday and they had massive pictures of these two adorable queerballs all over the place - it made me feel like my heart was three sizes too big.

Wait. It's 1998 Again. But Gayer.

Um, so when I was a kid my idol was Topanga Lawrence. Seriously, when I grew into a pre-teen I was going to be her. When she grew up and changed the hair (remember that episode? Oh GOD it was heatwrenching.) and started dating Lance Bass, I didn't want to be her anymore, but I did still like her. Somehow her giggly, hyper, too-cute persona did/does not irritate me in the slightest, which is just short of a miracle.

Apparently she's friends with Tyra, which sucks balls and makes me want to hate her ... but I still can't bring myself to do it. Also, the clip below of Topanga (let's face it - that's her name) and Lance talking about their relationship and how she expected him to deflower her (!) had me grinning. I could not stop grinning like a madwoman. My heart was so warmed it started to get crispy. It could be my obsession with all things gay, or my continued love for Topanga, but trust me, you need to watch ...

(I stole it from Jezebel!) Click Here.

Note: The picture is from the infamous makeover episode. And don't pretend like you didn't already know that.

A Love Letter to Sue Moss

I think Nancy Grace is hilarious. Her show is like if Chris Matthews was the editor of Us Weekly and it was televised. She takes things like Brit Brit's custody battle so seriously. She even brings on multiple attorneys to discuss how long Lindz should get in the pokey, etc.

My favorite of Nancy's hags, though, is Sue Moss.

She has no facial expression other than a sort of bored scowl, but her lips are like Cirque du Soleil performers. Her mouth is so large and moves with such fervor when she talks that she always looks kind of like a snarling dog with glass eyes:You can also kind of tell from this screencap that Sue talks loudly, slowly, and tenaciously. Just like Nancy! Also, there are rumors on the interweb that Mizz Moss is totally dyking it up . . . with Nancy! I made up that last part, only because I think Moss and Grace would totes be the new Brangelina. Except that they'd spend their time talking about Brangelina. And how they used to be actual, professional attorneys. But at least they're better off than Star Jones.

The best thing about Sue Moss, though, is that she totally freestyles all of her opinions. Here are just a few gems from Sue's handbag o' rhymes:

"Lindsay Lo, caught with blow, to jail she must go."
"Brit has been so lit, she'll be lucky if she can even babysit."
"The Juice deserves the noose!"

And a few more quotes that don't rhyme but still crack my shit up:

"And it ain't over until the anorexic lady sings, and I haven't yet heard a song."
"One only has to remember Rambo: First Blood to see what these officers might be in for."

Because she shows no signs of expression and talks so slowly (in her deafening Long Island drawl), yet comes up with some sweet freestyles, I'm pretty sure Sue Moss is what would happen if Busta Rhymes had a stroke.

Check out my girlfriend in action. You have to wait until the end of the clip, but you get to watch Nancy make fun of a guy who stutters while you wait. Win-Win-Win!

Barbara's Been Bad

So this is a pretty cool idea. But mostly I LOVE that crafter Jessy Ellenberger says in this interview that she "just like[s] making things in general," and that she'd "like to just build things for the rest of [her] life!"

I love a crafty lady. More power (tools!) to you Jessy, and I wish you many a merry crafternoon!

Brad: Too Good for Ange

True Confession #234: I'm obsessed with children. (That sounds pervy. I'll elaborate.) More specifically, I love celebrity children. I love that they will never have a care in the world (although that may lead them to grow into - ugh - privileged drug dealers), and I love that they make celebrities (sometimes) seem more like actual human beings. Something that creeps me out? Paparazzi photos. Mainly ones where the subject either clearly has no idea they are being photographed or when it's obvious the lens was thisclose to their face while they tried to get takeout from California Pizza Kitchen. Here's a little quote from uber-dad Brad P. that encompasses both of these things:

While out yesterday in NYC, Brad approached the paparazzi and made a request:

Man, you guys work hard. You know, man, we're going to have the kids out -- we're going to be here awhile. We're going to have all the kids out so if you can get the word out -- anything you guys can do long-lens would be much appreciated. You're workin' hard, you guys

He did need to ask them to back up once, but remarked as they were getting in the car,

Much better with the kids, you guys are better.

Aw! He's too good for Angie, who referred to her own child as an uninteresting "blob," a slip that I cannot forgive. My heart melts when I see a smelly baby crying, so you don't even want to cross me when it comes to a beauty like Shiloh.

My favorite of the J-Ps (and all around favorite celebrity baby), though, is this vision:

If I were a paparazzo, I'd steal Zahara. Why take a picture when you're close enough to take the whole kid? Whoa, pervy times two. I'm never writing about children again.

I May be Crazy, But....

Still hot.

Gotta Love a Geek

When Freaks and Geeks first hit the TV machine, I watched maybe 3 episodes and sort of forgot about it. I think it didn't help that these were not consecutive episodes, and I think it was even more detrimental that I was in middle school when this show was on and I didn't really want to watch people be fed up with high school, a place I had yet to enter. Anyway, as you all know the show was canceled after one season, but now has quite a cult following on DVD. (I have since graduated high school, watched the entire series, and loved it.)

Sometimes the show is a little hard to watch. When any sort of pain befalls my favorite geek, Bill, I almost have to turn off the TV. The kid I think had it the hardest on the show though was Main Geek Sam, played by John Francis Daley. He was about three feet tall and had a voice like Ashley Olsen. I cringe just thinking about it.

The thing is, I had kind of forgotten about that little kid. That is, until he started showing up in more current TV shows, but as an actual ADULT. I was shocked. Not because I thought he could only play a total "pygmy geek," but because he was kind of hot. Total gay crush material, because, after all, he still has a total baby face and I can't help but remember when he was a pubescent geek.

Here's how things were looking when we were introduced:
And here's the little geek now. (Disclaimer: All the good pictures were from IMDb and I have no idea how to steal from them. Go here to get the money shots.)While I'm impressed with his transformation, and I hope that JFD gets some parts in the future where he does not play a grown-up version of a Dungeon Master, he's not even on my gay crush radar when compared to my darling Martin Starr (Bill, as I will always think of him in my mind.) Even when he was TOTALLY geeked out, I was completely in love. You wouldn't have to con me into a round of seven minutes in heaven with him, that's for sure! But look at him now!!
Hot, I'd say.